04/29/2016 05:35 pm ET Updated Apr 30, 2017

Overcome Social Anxiety by Observing Other People

You are not as vulnerable as you think.

One of the tricks of anxiety is that it takes all of your possible (read "near impossible") vulnerability and shoves it in your face so that terror is all you can see ahead of you.

When this happens, other people -- ANY people - are risky to be around. And crowds? Forget it! Too much danger.

If you think of social situations as anxiety traps -- worried that someone could think about you, someone could see a fat cell, or read your deepest, darkest secret as if it is written across your forehead -- you avoid them like the plague.

But do you ever really stop to think of what you are really concerned about?

Our worries about social situations tend to be quite evasive. Take a moment to ask yourself...

What is the WORST that could happen?

Once this woman told me, "I HAVE to know what she [a woman in her class] is thinking so I know if I am safe."

I said, "What might she think that would threaten you?"

She said, "She might think I'm weird."

"How will that threaten you? Would she attack you?"

She said, "No, she wouldn't, I just need to know if I am safe."

Isn't an attack -- physical or emotional -- the only way we could possibly be in danger by another person? (Unless there's an accident... but, you don't stay paralyzed and terrified of someone accidentally dropping something on your toe.)

You take anxiety at face value, "I NEED to know I'm safe." because it sounds smart and logical. But that's bull-do-do because there is nothing behind it.

"You are safe." I told her.

People explain to me that they are afraid of being attacked (in different words), but they once they realize this, they say, "No I'm not afraid of being attacked." and I ask "Then, what are you afraid of?" And they just don't know, saying evasive things like, "I'd just rather be comfortable."

When the discomfort is coming from your own mind, you will not be comfortable in social situations. And the more that you avoid them, the worse this can get.

When you have an illusion of danger, it is pretty hard to leap right out of it. So in this video, I am going to explain how you can take small steps to push past your social anxiety so that you can stop avoiding things that you'd enjoy.

I watched a video recently on Facebook about not living with regret, reminding us to do the things we want to do before it is too late. I want you to have a life where you are comfortable, and have adventures, and get close to people, and learn new things, and challenge yourself, and give and GROW! That's awfully hard to do if you are afraid of social situations.

Please watch so that you can!

How To Deal with Social Anxiety

To deal with social anxiety you...

  1. Take small steps.
  2. Observe other people and realize that they are not thinking about you.
  3. Recruit a friend to be with you as you practice going out.
  4. Keep moving small steps past your comfort zone and eventually you will expand the zone to include more things!

Before you know it, the social anxiety will disappear.

Do you deal with social anxiety? What easy step can you take today to expand your comfort zone?