03/19/2012 11:17 am ET Updated May 19, 2012

Stupid Questions: 6900 Series - Santorum Porn

Rick Santorum is making porn-fighting a central part of his campaign. (Link .)

Stupid Questions:

6901 - Will President Rick don a cape and a cowl like Batman to start fighting porn?

6902 - Will there be a Department of Homeland Pornography In the Santorum administration?

6903 - Will this department have more funding or less funding than:
6903.a - Department of Education?
6903.b - Department of Energy?
6904.c - Department of Commerce?

6905 - Will this office be reporting directly to the president?

6906 - Will they convert the war situation room to a screening theater for this department?

6907 - How much will President Ricky get to watch?

6908 - Will the public have access to the porn that President Ricky will be watching and evaluating? (Sorry -- I keep thinking of that movie Little Nicky.)

6909 - Since the President Ricky can't watch it all himself, who gets to watch all the porn on the internet to rate it?

6910 - What are the qualifications for these positions?

6911 - Is there going to be a civil service exam for these positions?

6912 - Is this a job function that will be outsourced to a firm like Xe or Halliburton?

6913 - Are there going to be occupational safety limits set for those who are evaluating the stuff online?

6914 - How many hours a day can a civil servant watch porn online?

6915 - Will these civil servants be allowed to unionize?

6916 - Will there be a pass/fail system on the whether something is porn?

6917 - Will there be government set porn classifications?

6918 - Will there be a rating system for the content placed in the media -- kinda like USDA Choice or USDA Select when you buy meat?

6919 - If something is found to be porn -- what will the government do with it?

6920 - Under the Freedom of Information Act, would the public be allowed to review the material that is subject to being regulated?

6921 - Could this backfire and porn producers start making porn to the standards set -- kinda like teaching our kids to the standardized testing models?

6922 - Will there be people doing time for making porn?

6923 - Will they be allowed to make porn while they are doing time?

6924 - How much will this cost the country?
6924.a - in terms of person power to get to this Santorum utopia?
6924.b - in terms of tax dollars to rate this stuff?
6924.c - in terms of tax dollars to regulate this stuff?
6924.d - in terms of prisons to house the offenders?
6924.e - in terms of who we are as Americans?

6925 - Can you really call this a free country if we allow the government to go this far?