Finding Your Squad As an Adult

We need the good vibes, and the people who perpetuate that positivity in our lives. Who see who we are and don't push us to be something else. Who think we're incredible as ourselves, even on those days when just brushing our hair feels impossible, and wants to support us in becoming even better versions.
04/27/2016 09:53 am ET Updated Apr 28, 2017
Friends in the street in Barcelona
Friends in the street in Barcelona

These days, it seems it seems like everyone has something to say about female friendships, doesn't it? Tribe, squad, whatever you want to call it -- we're talking about friends. I'm not sure why we've complicated it so much.

This past fall, a close friend of mine got married, and it reminded me of how interesting finding true friendship can be as an adult. The bride - we'll call her Julie - and I became friends a little over two years ago when I first moved back to California from the east coast. She had gone to high school with my best friend from college, who virtually introduced us before I had even boarded that one-way flight to SoCal. Julie welcomed me into San Diego and her life without batting an eyelash, taking me in sight unseen into her friendship circle.

There's something to be said for someone who can open their life and heart to new people, even when we're adults and already have a complete social circle.

From our very first meeting, I knew Julie and I would be good friends (interests included wine and snacks - winning). In the short timespan leading up to her wedding, she'd transformed from a stranger in my new city to one of my very best friends.

Personally, I think that's remarkable. Being an adult is hard sometimes, and developing new friendships as adult women can often be daunting. I hear this time and again from others, especially those who've moved to new cities or started over. Without a safety net like school or childhood bonds, it can be lonely and difficult to find true friendship as a grown-up.

So perhaps that's the secret! Focusing on finding one new friend who truly gets you and speaks to your heart, whether it's from a professional organization you joined or your running club, and letting her {likely also awesome} friends eventually find their ways naturally into your life as well.

And by the way, isn't that one of the greatest parts of having amazing women in your life? Excuse me -- I mean #squad. But seriously, I think that's just what happens - they have the opportunity to bring the extraordinary people in their lives and fold them into yours.

It's cheesy, but it's true.

We need the good vibes, and the people who perpetuate that positivity in our lives. Who see who we are and don't push us to be something else. Who think we're incredible as ourselves, even on those days when just brushing our hair feels impossible, and wants to support us in becoming even better versions.

We need to surround ourselves with people who are true and kind, and hone in on that authenticity.

Too often we feel like we have to allow negative people to take up space in our lives or in our hearts just because they've been there for a long time, or because others think they're terrific, and it's too scary to consider opening ourselves up to new relationships. If someone's not bringing out your brightest, then you don't need them.

Goodness attracts goodness. Love attracts love.

It's science.

Not science? My amazing wedding dancing skills, obviously.

New friendships as an adult: easy to make, or tough?