06/25/2012 08:54 am ET Updated Aug 25, 2012

'True Blood' Recap: Curl Up and Fry In 'Whatever I Am, You Made Me'

Editor's Note: Do not read on if you have

You know, I'm not completely sold on this season of "True Blood" just yet. Granted, we're only three episodes in, but so far, not too much has happened, and, on par with the last couple seasons, some plots are so extraneous that I can't find myself caring about them (hey, Terry). But that doesn't quite mean that none of it works, because some stuff is really great this season.

The Pam/Eric backstory could, in and of itself, be its own series. I would watch that. And it brought back the devious Lorena (R.I.P.), whom I happened to love when she was still (not) breathing. Vampire tales have that advantage to them. You can flashback to as far as you want and you can always add new and fresh material. In case you need a refresher, Pam and Eric slept together after he stopped the two vamps (Lorena and a baby vamp Bill) who were draining Pam's employees. Then, Pam inquires about being turned into a vampire, saying it would save her from a life of suffering, disease and loneliness. Eric rejects her proposal and says that that bond is too deep and he's just not up for that. Pam's rebuttal is a slash of the wrists. Hey, a girl wants what a girl wants.

Eric, in the present day, is still being held captive by The Authority with Bill. I'm not feeling this whole Authority story, just because I don't really know where it's going and I'm usually bored by the scenes. Also, I'm not on board with this little bromance between Bill and Eric. I liked it better when they hated each other. Friendliness is no fun. However, out of all the scenes inside the Authority's estate, Nora's short one was the most exciting, especially when she screamed, "Yes, I believe vampires were made in God's image! I believe that mainstreaming is an abomination! And I believe that Lilith will rise from the blood and rip your blasphemous, f---ing heads off and dance in your muck!" If I wasn't a fan of you before, Luna, I am now. Also, Barb-From-"Cougar-Town" was wondrous and I would like more of her, please. And how many of you are betting that Lilith will make an appearance by season's end? I'm on the fence with that.

Jason's storylines are either hits or misses. This episode had both. His whole fling with his old teacher was odd and felt thrown in there. How many times now has he had the realization that sex doesn't fill the void in his heart? Let's get rid of this Mopey Jason and allow him to move on to better things, because his five-year arc has mostly been set up like so: 1. Fall in love with a girl, 2. They break up by reason of death, werepantherness, etc., 3. He lays on his couch and wonders what's wrong with him. That's why I was glad when Jessica insisted they could be friends. "I'm gonna go put on a pair of your sweats, and you are gonna grab yourself a beer, and then you're gonna tell me what the hell happened today." I'm ready to ride this (friend)ship off into the sunset.

Jessica is one of "True Blood's" MVPs. She steals most scenes that she's in and Deborah Ann Woll draws us in almost immediately when she's on screen. While she was trying on dresses in hopes of impressing Jason, a young man comes into the store, blood smelling of "cotton candy and fresh-baked bread and f---in' sex." The intoxicating scent draws her attention instantaneously and she chases him and his car out into the middle of nowhere. He goes missing, but she can still smell him all around her. I'm excited for where this story goes just because I'm intrigued by what this guy is.

Last time we saw Tara, she was running off into the woods. This episode saw her almost feeding on an innocent girl, drinking a copious amount of Tru Blood, and speaking more than one line (is that good? bad?). After having Sam stow her away in Merlotte's walk-in for safe keeping, she escapes once again and stumbles upon a tanning salon with the slogan "Curl Up & Fry," which is exactly what Tara did. She broke in, hopped into a tanning bed, and started frying. I suppose next week we'll find out if her maker, Pam, saves her. I, personally, am a fan of Tara (I hear your boo's and hisses from here), so seeing her go would be bittersweet for me because I really like Tara, but am so not a fan of vampire Tara. I can't see her lasting too much longer if she survives this attempt, because her stories have been running rather dry the past couple of seasons.

Extra bites (pun totally intended):
  • Were Andy and Holly not the most adorable thing in this episode? I'm for it. 100 percent.
  • Sookie using her fairy power on Pam: awesome.
  • Pam yelling afterwards, "Go back to dry humpin' each other and buyin' my overpriced drinks, or get the f--- out!": the most awesome.
  • Sookie finally tells Alcide that she killed Debbie. Alcide is sad, but let's be real here ... no one else is!
  • Lafayette's crazy, blue, magical, devil face makes an appearance and tries to poison everyone by adding bleach to the gumbo. His reaction afterwards was him scared of what he did. I interpreted it as: "NO! NOT THE GUMBO!"
  • I'm over Terry. Anyone else still interested? Were you ever?
And for your viewing pleasure, GIFs of my 5 favorite moments from "Whatever I Am, You Made Me" below!
True Blood: Whatever I Am, You Made Me Recap