10/29/2012 12:40 pm ET Updated Dec 29, 2012

How to Fearlessly Ask for a Raise

For many people, asking for a raise is highly anxiety-provoking and ranks right up there with asking someone out on a date. Over the years I have coached countless patients on asking for a raise and they've successfully done it with ease and confidence. I've coached a wide range of people from C-level executives to those in entry level positions and in most cases they were able to get what they wanted. Here are my surefire tips on how to fearlessly ask for a raise:

1. First, examine the way you think about asking for a raise. If it is negative and self-defeating, then change your thinking. Think in a positive and empowering way. Re-frame any negative statements you might have. Here are some examples:

"I'll never get a raise." --------------> "I'll never know if I can get a raise unless I ask."
"The company doesn't have money." ------------> "I'm a valuable employee and am vitally important to the company."
"My boss doesn't like me." --------------> "Where's the evidence to support this belief?" "Has the boss ever expressed how he feels about me?"
"I'll stumble on my words." ----------"I'll prepare for this experience by practicing and will gain confidence."

2. Make a clear and compelling list of how you've made or saved your company money. Write your strengths and why you are an asset to the company.

3. Research the standard salary for your title.

4. Anticipate resistance from your boss and know how to respond. Remember, there are two opposing goals: yours is to make money while his is to save money.

5. Consider negotiating for something other than a salary increase. For instance you might ask for a bonus, extra vacation time, or tuition reimbursement.

6. Visualize the conversation ahead of time. Think of how your boss might respond and what you might say.

7. Practice with a trusted friend.

8. Be fearless and go for it. If all else fails, be prepared to ask how you can earn a raise.