The reality that my son is no longer physically with me often surprises me and catches me off guard. I continue to feel and connect with him in his energetic form. Still, there are occasions when I have to remind myself that he has "died." That he is no longer physical.
Recently I was running errands in the city. I stopped in at a shop that my son, Connor, and I often frequented over the years. I hadn't shopped there since Connor's passing, but today I felt the need and desire.
The shop owner was there, busy, but nodded to me when I came through the door. Then she looked behind me, expecting to see Connor. She had watched him come shopping with me, and on his own, a great many times over the years as he grew from boy to man. Often she would engage in conversation with him over me. It was understandable. Connor's energetic presence often drew people close.
Not seeing him this time, she caught my eye, and motioned me over away from the others. Smiling, she asked me how he was, confirming that she hadn't seen him around lately.
I froze. Caught off guard. I knew I had to tell her in gentle, direct words that he had died. "Killed in a car crash," I said, "as a pedestrian in a crosswalk." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I felt the instant physical force of them, and my body showed it. The shop owner became visibly shaken. Tears sprung to her eyes, and we hugged.
When I left the shop I was wobbly. I felt the physical emotions of remembering that my beautiful, soulful son, was no longer here in physical form.
And then as sudden as the sadness hit, I felt Connor's energetic wings of love surround me. I moved through the sadness at lightening speed until I felt the expansiveness of his energetic self.
My brain raced to catch up. It recalled the impact he had made on the shop owner, and many others like her. Times he shared with others that I was witness to. The affect his presence so often made. And as the memories flooded my senses, I was able to reconnect to the energetic version of who he now is. Connor, in non-physical energetic form, is the extension, the expansion, of who he has always been.
This then is my wish over the holiday season for all who have lost a loved one.
• To warm yourself in the love of remembering everything your loved one brought to your life, and to the lives of others.
• To feel the gratitude for the privilege of sharing time on the Earth with this loved one.
• To connect with the expansiveness beyond the physical.
• To continue to share the energy of expanded love of them in energetic form.
I never miss Connor because we are never apart. I experience him as his essence rather than his body.
The opposite of death isn't life. The opposite of death is birth. Use this holiday season to give birth to a new form of relationship with your loved one who has passed on.