As a man who is on the verge of turning 32-years-old, it seems that not a month goes by where somebody isn't asking me when I am getting married. No matter how many times I am asked this question with a judgmental undertone lurking beneath, I always have the same response. "We'll see what happens," usually accompanied by a smile and a joke or two to defuse the question that I find to be nothing short of presumptuous and irritating.
Those who only know me on a superficial level often have a hard time understanding why I am not married. Not to sound like an arrogant (insert favorite insult here), but I'm a successful man, who is good with women, and fairly attractive at this point in my life. So when I dodge the question of marriage with humor, people tend to categorize me into one of the following three generalizations: immature when it comes to relationships, afraid of commitment, or not ready to settle down.
Look. I get it. Society has conditioned much of the world to believe that marriage and children is the natural path in life. Those who don't conform to the masses surely must still have some emotional growing up to do. When married people inquire as to why I am not married, often times the intention of the question is coming from a good place.
But most people couldn't be further from the truth when trying to pinpoint why I am not married. I am not against marriage by any means. My stance on marriage has remained the same for a number of years. If the right woman walks into my life, I have no doubt that I will want to make her my wife, despite my reservations about how natural marriage really is.
The truth is, it's not marriage that I have a problem with. It's married people I have a problem with. Marriage doesn't scare me. But married people? They make marriage feel like a horror show no less terrifying and gruesome than a Chuck Palahniuk story.
What is it about marriage that turns even the most intriguing, funny, and interesting people, into the most boring, dispassionate, and spiritless men that I know, making me question how we ever even formed friendships to begin with?
Nine out of ten times, when I ask a married man or woman what they are doing over the weekend, I don't even have to wait for them to answer. "Errands or taking it easy." But who knows. Maybe they'll have a big night out and go to the movies! As far as I'm aware, single people also have errands and like to take it easy. Yet, most single people I know are active, social, leave their house, and enjoy leaving their caves.
Long gone are the people I knew who loved to have a couple of drinks with friends, embark on random weekend trips, tailgate at a football game, or check out a cool live band. Clearly watching DVR'D episodes of Dancing with the Stars takes priority.
Long gone are the people who once had so much hope and excitement in their eyes, as the world was full of optimism and new adventures. When I meet married men for the first time, as if on cue, they always make the same joke when finding out I'm single. "Don't ever get married." Except the smile that accompanies this joke doesn't seem to feel quite real, and the forced laugh feels like the laugh of a man whose hope has abandoned him long ago. This innocent joke feels all too real each and every time.
Long gone are the men who felt satisfied by their sex lives. The inevitable jokes about how lucky I am to be with as many girls as I want, and about how they never having sex with their wives, once again feels all too real.
Long gone are the people that actually cared when I told them stories about my single life, vacations, or random adventures. Their "uh huh's," and "that's cool," remarks that accompany every story are screaming, "I don't want to hear about the fun things going on in your life. My weekend is going to be at Home Depot!"
Long gone are many of the people who didn't judge me or hang out with me more than once every six months when they can finally muster up the strength to make it out past six o'clock for a few drinks.
So you see married people. It's not all of you. There are many married couples I know that I know are still incredible, well-rounded, kindhearted, and amazing people. And if you have kids, you are excused for a good portion of this rant. But for the rest of you. The next time you ask me why I'm not married with a judgmental look on your face, please understand one thing and one thing only. It's not marriage I have a problem with. It's married people I have a problem with. You scare me to death.
Joshua Pompey has been helping online daters to find success with his ebooks, coaching, and profile writing service since 2009. Visit JPompey.Com for a free profile evaluation, and click here to learn more about his 100% guaranteed products and services.