THE BLOG
11/12/2013 09:35 am ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

Do You Struggle With the Doom Loop?

So many people never get to enjoy their life, their success, their excellence. Why?

Because they live with an inner Gremlin that's addicted to The Doom Loop. And that Gremlin gets terrified every time you stand out and got forward in your life.

It doesn't matter whether that increased success occurs in school, at work, in your romantic relationship or even losing weight and looking better and better. The Doom Loop knows that its days may be numbered and the only way to stay alive is to drag you back down into disappointment and gloom. Know the feeling?

If it doesn't readily come to mind, think about all the times you or people you know have responded to success by getting drunk, drugged and/or by dragging themselves through the meanderings of a "pity party" about how they could have done better.

Here's an example you might identify with: You looked forward to giving a training for your department team. You worked hard on it -- it was even fun to do.

And then you really grabbed the spotlight with all your smarts and humor mixed together. You were really, really fabulous! Everyone said so.

But driving home after work you felt miserable. All you could think about was getting home and diving into the left over cake (alllll of it) or falling into bed as soon as you walked in the door.

Why? Because The Doom Loop, your unconscious addiction to keeping yourself caught in
The Fear of Being Fabulous (TM), was running the show.

That's the issue that comes up over and over in some form with many of the coaching clients my husband Jim Sniechowski, PhD and I work with. Most coaches aren't trained to do this type of work so they don't know what to do. But it's our specialty.

So I want to give you some tips to help you work with yourself on Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous (TM). That's what we call the process of getting rid of The Doom Loop.

1. Watch for repetitive patterns of behavior that hold you back: procrastination, self-doubt, refusal to share your success with others, unwillingness to ask for help, anything that blocks your rightful use of your excellence.

2. Now, ask yourself, "Who would I be if I stopped this self-defeating behavior?"

3. Come of up with at least three reasons why you don't think you want to stop the self-defeating behavior and step into a new identity.

4. After that, list the fears and doubts that fuel your refusal.

5. Next, can you begin to see a bit of dopey logic going on here, stuff that you'd laugh at if your friend was arguing for their holdbacks? I do hope so!

6. Then, for now, if you are ready, commit to taking one step outside your comfort zone and when The Doom Loop tries to condemn it or scare you, remember this article and tell it to go bother someone else. Remind yourself that you are on your way to Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous (TM) and that's what counts.

*****

Judith Sherven, PhD and her husband Jim Sniechowski, PhD have developed a penetrating perspective on people's resistance to success, which they call The Fear of Being Fabulous (TM). Recognizing the power of unconscious programming to always outweigh conscious desires, they assert that no one is ever failing -- they are always succeeding. The question is, at what? To learn how this played out in the life of Whitney Houston, check out their sixth book What Really Killed Whitney Houston: http://WhatReally KilledWhitneyHouston.com

Currently writing as LinkedIn Influencers and working as 3/4 time consultants on retainer to LinkedIn, Judith & Jim provide executive coaching, leadership training and consulting across many organizations of the company as well as working with private clients around the world. They continually prove that when unconscious beliefs are brought to the surface, the barriers to greater success and leadership presence begin to fade away. They call it Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous (TM).