I am in the process of deciding what I really, really want -- in a man and in life -- whatever years and peak experiences I have the good fortune to experience from this point forward. I am also in the process of discovering how "real" some relationships are. A brand-new relationship is shiny and perfect, like a diamond, sparkling in the sun, giving off sparks of color and warming your heart. How much of it is real? How much will last? Diamonds may be forever, but people are often... not. Not to be cynical, but from experience, time does wear off some of the early excitement and wishful thinking -- our unconscious attempt to make that person who we want them to be. So, you look more closely, and listen more closely, and see more of what is really in front of you.
I am in a possibly "too good to be true" situation that I can't share. If I did, half of you would probably say that my doubts are more reflective of my own insecurities, and not an indication that this person is not what or who he says he is, or has a hidden agenda. The other half of you, hearing the facts, might say, "Yup, this does seem, on the surface at least, to be too good to be true. If your gut says don't be trusting, let him go." I am on the fence. There are some remarkable aspects to this man, but then I wonder, "Why is he with me?"
I am not putting myself down, but frankly, there are days where the energy, the time, the commitment it takes to make a commitment to another man may be beyond what I am capable of. Match.com has been challenging. If you are on it, man or woman, doing online dating, I don't have to explain why. Dozens of both genders have shared their experiences, and essentially it comes down to this: finding your "match" requires a touch of insanity and the willingness to enormously compromise -- in other words, accept the best banana because there is no perfect one (see poem below). To protect themselves, to aggrandize themselves, to make you let them in, to make you like and love them people will lie about any and everything. People chop DECADES of their age and think you won't notice. They come to you with terrible financial and emotional problems that they have not been able to resolve in a lifetime. They promise things they can't, won't or and want to but don't deliver. I do NOT exempt myself. I am no perfect banana, at this ripe age. I have a lot of nutrients, but also soft spots, brown spots (again, see poem below).
So... an octogenarian billionaire takes me to a few of the best restaurants in town, but is too eccentric to sustain a healthy relationship. This is followed, another night, by dinner at a humble café where the interesting and very attractive man I am dining with pretends the check is not in front of him. Filet mignon or hamburger, it truly does not matter to me. Generosity of spirit is more important to me at this stage of life, since I don't need to be supported. But neither do I want to support anyone. Be careful with your money by all means, but cheapness is a complete turnoff.
Another turnoff, for me, but perhaps not for you, is sexual aggressiveness. What is your rush! Why are you talking about sex so soon? Why are your hands all over me so soon? Where's the fire? Thank you for telling me you're just a touchy-feely guy. Thank you for saying it's just that I'm so attractive you can't control yourself. I would have bought that from a teenager (when I was a teenager) but from a man in his sixth, seventh or eighth decade, it seems a bit disingenuous. Do you agree? Love to hear back on that one, lads and ladies alike!
So OK, l am going to keep this blog short, because I have a mystery on my hands, as I said at the beginning, and when I know which way it goes, I just might share the story. Meantime, one of my clients, a talented new writer named Mike Domino, wrote a book of remarkable short stories called "From Park Avenue to Park Bench." The signature story, true like all his other stories, is about a homeless man who literally went from Park Avenue to a park bench! You will not want to miss it when it comes out. I am about to take this book out to the world for him -- I believe he has a real future. He sent me the poem below, that I am sharing with you. Talk about synergistic! Wow!
The Perfect Banana by Michael Domino
on the coffee line
I see the cake - doughnuts - bagels...
but I get the same -
large dark coffee and a banana
I can't see the bananas
Till I'm in front
but I wonder what condition
they'll be in this day
Overripe - green -
spots - soft - yellow -
I expect the perfect banana
and I handle them -
flip them - inspect them
(people don't like this food
I wind up picking the best of the
pile - to my liking - but
there is never a perfect banana -
For the first time, today - I
concluded that there is no
such thing as a perfect banana -
they all have imperfections,
to some degree or another
perhaps some have fleeting moments of
perfection followed by
brown spots -
but I know some people who like
bananas that are overly ripe -
so ripe you can smell them-
sweet - not green like vegetables
coffee is more dependable,
But that, too, is always either too hot - or just
warm- or not as fresh as yesterday
- too strong or too weak -
I had a very good day today
after realizing that there are
no perfect bananas.