THE BLOG
12/18/2014 04:52 pm ET Updated Feb 17, 2015

This Is Why You Feel Like a Failure

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Clients tell me all the time that they feel like a failure.

I've been there, I've felt like that too but I learned that when I feel like a failure it is because I'm comparing myself to others. I felt like a failure because I was trying to fit into what society dictates "a good mum / wife / business owner / employee" looks like.

If you feel like a failure then I have some tough love for you...

For goodness sake Ladies, WAKE UP!

You do not need to be a better parent, you do not need to be a better wife or a better employee or a better business owner.

You don't need to learn how to juggle or balance.

You don't need to be a better person, you just need to be THE BEST VERSION OF YOU more often.

Let me break that down for you:

There are lots of versions of you, sometimes you will have fearless confidence, sometimes you will be fun loving and care free, sometimes you will be vulnerable and lonely, guilty and sad.

I was torn between saying "best version of you! and "better version of you" because we are never "done" being better. We learn and grow and improve constantly as we go through life so you only need to be the best version of you at this point in time. A bit like commercials for laundry detergent which claim its the "best ever" until they have a new version three months later.

The thing is however you feel, it is OK, it is normal, it's even OK if it's been a long time since you had fearless confidence. It's ok if you have been stuck in guilt or sadness for longer than you remember.

Why do I add the "more often" part?... because you are still human, you will make mistakes, you will cock up... big time occasionally, but mistakes can drag you down and reinforce how much of a failure you are or you can realize that they are feedback and learn from them.

It is not OK to think that there is nothing you can do about your situation. It's not OK if you think "life is sh** then you die!" If that is what you think then quite frankly you are wrong and that is a victim mentality.

Your past does not dictate your future nor do your current circumstances.

Life is a choice, your choice!

Change is hard, staying the same is much easier, and believing that you really are a failure or will always feel like a failure is easier.

When I was training as a coach I was taught to avoid the C word. No... not that one... "change." I was taught to use "improvement" or "shift" or "transformation". People are frightened of change, change is scary! I know, I've been there. I remember talking to my GP at the height of my depression and anxiety. Believe me, I know how it feels to feel like a failure! I knew my job was toxic, it was sucking the life out of me and making me become someone I hated and was ashamed of. But I didn't have any other option but stay there, so I believed. I told my doctor that I just wanted to be normal, she told me things would never be the same again but I would be OK. I knew I would be OK, that is what kept me going but secretly I still though I would be back to the "normal me" eventually... how naive I was.

I changed, some might call it transformation, some might call it a conscious awakening but the hard cold fact is whatever you call it I changed, I changed a lot.... And I am so happy that I did.

Was it easy? No, it was bloody hard work but I am now the best version of me most of the time. I say most of the time because sometimes I slip, I'm human, But because I'm the best version of me most of the time I am now a better mum, a better wife, more financially aware, I'm better at juggling, I'm better at forgiving myself when I do make mistakes and most importantly I'm a better role model to my children, my husband, my family and friends because I changed me and those changes ripple outwards.

• You can tell your daughter not to be a doormat or you can lead by example.
• You can tell your son to follow his dreams or you can lead by example.
• You can tell your partner or your ex that you want a civil conversation rather than an argument or you can lead by example.

Its starts with you!
My mission in life is to help the world become a happier and kinder place. That starts with me being happy and me being kinder to myself.

Be the change ladies, be the change!

"Be the change you want to see in the world." -- Ghandi

If you ever feel like a failure because you are comparing yourself to what society dictates then please, please, please make a commitment to yourself to do something about it.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.