02/02/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

MMIX: 2009 is the Year of the Handgun

Happy 2000 and the 9mm!

Yep. My prediction is this will be the Year of the Handgun. The reflective half of the palindrome of the Roman numeral for 2009, MMIX, is 9mm when using the right mirror. That's destiny in the making baby! Go get one while you can.

I have never wanted a gun before, but I am seriously considering purchasing my first firearm. It's not just post-Obama-victory-2nd-Amendment-gun-snatching-fears, I also want to lock in my glock while I can still afford to buy one. They'll be a better investment than gold when our economy continues to slide and crime stats creep towards uncomfortable levels. Plus, thanks to President Bush, I'll feel a lot safer with a gun at a National Park in the event the bears at Yellowstone haven't been getting their fair share of scraps during these lean times. While shoplifting is at a new high and the Fed and Treasury congratulate themselves with their flying-by-the-seat-of their-pants (or is that fly-by-night?) heroic effort to avoid a Depression, the Recession dial just has to be turned one notch to 11 before the fangs really start to flash. The police will be distracted with far more pressing matters than trying to show up late to my house as a some tweaker kicks in my front door. So, it might be time to put up a sign of a handgun on my front door saying, "We don't call 911." That is, right after I give to my local police charity and get my "friend of the force" sticker up first. In a country where "due process" has been long overdue, we might just start pining for the glory days. So, get yer ducks and duckets in order and go get a piece. I just gotta remember when I start packing heat, to leave it at home when I go to the movies; cuz, I sure don't like them talkers at my talkies either.