In the midst of my darkest hour -- as I desperately tried to find my way, in tiny moments I started writing Choosing Hope. I didn't know it at the time of course -- I just started pouring my heart out onto the page. That became my lifeline, my way forward. There is a way forward from darkness -- focusing on the light that is also all around.
If I can find hope and hold onto it, even in the midst of abject darkness, you can too. #ChoosingHope is a lifeline to anyone finding themselves in darkness, to know that they can find the light. That even when bad things happen in our lives, we can always choose how we react to them. As I prepare for the release of the Paperback with a brand new revealing chapter-I think about what I most want readers to know. I want to share an excerpt from the former last chapter to bring to light what I hope each reader takes away...
" As I look ahead, I am filled with hope for many things. I hope for a healthy and happy life with my husband. I hope to have children of my own. I hope for a long and fulfilling career helping children to learn and grow, and promoting and enabling their success. I hope to keep learning and growing to become the person that I am meant to be.
I know that we will never get answers for Sandy Hook, but I hope to be able to continue to find some light in the darkness that surrounds it. By teaching kindness, compassion, empathy, and love, there is no room for hate. I have come a long way from the days when I could barely drag myself out of bed or leave my house alone (although I still can't shower with the door closed). I continue to move forward but never on from Sandy Hook. Some days it's one step ahead and two back. But the next day I step forward again.
I still pray, everyday, but my prayers have changed from desperate pleas to be delivered from my misery, to prayers of thanks. For every moment, for every hour, for every day. Because nothing is promised.
And now, when I sing "Amazing Grace," it is not to try to quiet my troubled mind, but in gratitude for the wisdom I have taken from that senseless tragedy and the gift of being able to share it with those who are trapped in their own despair. Today I can honestly say, "I once was lost, but now I'm found." I chose hope, and now I see.
I hope that you will always choose it....
The paperback of #ChoosingHope with a brand new chapter, that shares another piece of heartache and healing, is on stands Tuesday, 10/4! You can learn more here: http://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/257977/kaitlin-roig-debellis