1. Holding Grudges
Grudges suck. They suck when you hold them. They suck when they're held against you. And they TOTALLY suck when you're trying to be friends with someone, but your other friend has a grudge against them and then you forget who you can and can't be friends with. They're just the worst.
So, let's talk some Buddha:
"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
Wow. That's pretty powerful. And with grudges, not only are you drinking metaphorical poison, but you're also keeping something that belongs in the past, in the future. Yeek. Major faux pas.
To sum it up: Grudges aren't healthy for anyone. If someone sucks as a friend, then don't be friends with them. Be friends with me. Hi!
2. "Shoulding" Yourself
What should your life look like at 22? What should it look like at 30? What should it look like at 40? 45? Get a good idea. I know you've thought about it. Ok. Got it? Good.
Now, put a big fat "X" through that picture and spit on it.
Might sound intense, but just do it already! Your existence should look the way it does right now. Right this very minute. You are trying your best, and you do not need some phantom life hanging over your head, taunting you that you should be skinnier, you should be married or should be more successful.
Instead, what you can be doing is allowing yourself to enjoy your life, no matter where it's taken you. Goals are good, but shoulding is not. Goals give you something to work towards, to aspire to, and to keep track of progress. Shoulding just makes you feel like poo. And it smells like it, too.
So no more shoulding all over yourself.
Let's set the tone:
You're running around the grocery store putting those cage-free eggs into your cart and feeling pretty humanitarian and hipster and stuff. Then... it hits you. That pit in your stomach. That rush of warm air crawling up your neck. You totally forgot to email that important person back about the really important thing by that really important deadline.
Oooooh, the horror.
The funny thing is, you have an iPhone. I know you do. Probably an iPad Mini, too. And you 100% have the ability to email that person instantly. But, no... you're at the grocery store... you'll do it later. Naturally, this guarantees that you'll feel that pang of "oh crap" riiiiight as you start falling asleep tonight.
The act of putting something off probably ends up causing more stress than the actual task itself -- so we should just do it! Bite the bullet. Go all Benjamin Franklin on yourself and do what you can today so you don't have to do it tomorrow. You'll feel much better, and at least you'll get to enjoy your sanctimonious efforts next time.
4. Rude Self-Talk
I challenge you to listen to the things you silently say to yourself today. Warning: It may actually frighten you.
Really? Your cheeks actually droop. They DROOP. You've just earned yourself 30 extra minutes in the gym.
This is impossible for me. I will never get this right. And everyone else does it so quickly! I shouldn't be here. I'm holding everyone back.
OK, so that was stupid. Why did I just say that? They probably think I'm an idiot.
Whoa. That was way harsh, Tai.
Chances are, you've said eerily similar things to yourself on any given day. And it's not ok. Our self-talk should be encouraging, positive, and motivating. We have enough negative energy coming at us from all angles -- why let it come from within?
From here on out, try to catch yourself doing it and rephrase your language. Fill yourself with positive messages. You don't have to be cheesy and say them as mantras (you know what I mean), but watch your language when you're speaking to yourself. Don't make me wash your mouth out with soap, K?
5. Being the Control Monster
OK, so let's cut through the babble and go straight to it. Control is typically divided into two categories: control of self and control of others. Both can be good and bad, but we're going to talk about how control of others can turn into a major brat.
As humans, it is our instinct to want to control EVERYTHING. Our hair, our nails, our weight, our job, our boss, our parents, our dog, our plants, our weather, our money, our friends... WHEWWWW. That's a lot of stuff.
It seems like we tend to overanalyze and stress out over things we CAN'T do anything about, instead of putting our energy into things we CAN do something about. Amiright?
So, instead of being the Control Monster, let's embrace the fact that others will not change. That's ok. Because we can. We can relinquish the desire to control and change others, and instead control and change our actions. It's not easy, but let's be real -- it is way easier to change our stubborn selves than it is to wait for others to do the same. Just sayin'.
Have some of these habits?
You can always break a habit, no matter how much it dominates your life. If you're looking to make a change, we feel ya, girl. For more information, you can read these things here and here and here. And then you should come definitely come say hi to me and my frands here!
Until next time. Love ya like x-o.