10/06/2008 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

10 Secrets To A Happier Love Life

First, read this list of relationship tips below. When you get to the
bottom, I will share with you WHERE they come from -- a surprising source!

1. We all create our relationships to work out issues that need to be
addressed. Relationships are one of our best laboratories to discover what
we need for our personal growth.

2. We project most of our own undesirable AND fabulous qualities onto our
partner. So love is not only blind at times when it comes to seeing what's
bad in our partner - but myopic and blurry eyed about seeing who's bad
qualities we're seeing. Many are our own.

3. You must learn to own what are your relationship issues and separate them
from what are the other person's issues. Basically you must learn to acknowledge
your part in the play. We always attract our "equal" on the continuum - either
someone who is the same - or the very opposite. When the quality is a good quality
in ourselves, this becomes a good thing. When it's a bad quality in ourselves,
it becomes a bad thing. For example, a victim tends to find a victimizer. A masochist,
a sadist. A giver, a taker. If you learn to lessen your judgments, you will better see
how you contribute to the continuum, and thereby better see how you should
be changing YOUR behavior, so you can attract a different kind of

4. Ignorance and emotional immaturity cause pain. You will always pick your
emotional and maturity equal -- which by the way has very little to do with
your actual age. There are still 50 year olds playing in the sandbox.

5. Pain and frustration are the result of not wanting to see reality. You
must vigilantly ask yourself: Do your partner's words and actions match up?
A strange but true occurance: Your very first meeting with your partner
will always give you a peek through the window of what will later unfold in
the entire trajectory of your relationship. For example, a person will reveal up front:
"I'm not a relationship oriented person." "I'm not ready to open up to someone."
"I usually leave/get left." "I'm not a good person." "I'm kinda undependable."
"I fib." "I'm too pushy.")

6. Feigned indifference is NOT an aphrodisiac to emotionally healthy people.
What you give is what you get back. If you use "emotionally unavailable" bait,
you will lure in "emotionally unavailable" fish.

7. Casual sex is an oxymoron. Sex is the most powerful energy on the planet
with clear emotional and chemical impact, so choose your partners with
discrimination. You don't want psychic garbage clogging up your system.

8. Likewise, sex without love is SOUL-DEADENING. We are meant to connect
deeply in the sex act and when the heart is closed, you short-circuit and
distort your energy.

9. Women are looking for their inner male animus in the partner, while men
are trying to access their inner female, their anima through their mate.
With same sex couples, the same applies. Whoever is playing the male is
seeking the female in the other and vice versa. If you want your partner to be more
anima and/or animus, you must shift your anima and/or animus energy output.

10. Despite the oftentimes push-pull of even the most dysfunctional
relationship, both people choose the relationship.

The above 10 tips came from an interview I did with Patrice Kamins for a
book I'm writing about breaking free from dysfunctional relationship
patterns, called PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME. The surprise? Patrice Kamins is
an astrological consultant, not a psychologist! Candidly, I did not expect
to agree with an astrological consultant about how the "laws of universal
energy" might affect us in love -- and yet I agreed with all 10 out of 10
of her tips - and so wanted to share them.

Do you believe in astrology? Are you surprised these tips came from an
astrological consultant? Curious to hear your thoughts!

And if you want to find out more about Patrice Kamin's astrologically
inspired relationship tips, visit And if you want more love
tips, visit my site at, where I'll sharing more of my upcoming
interviews with a variety of love and sex experts - or sign up for my FREE
Be Happy Dammit newsletter.