05/04/2012 06:15 pm ET Updated Jul 04, 2012

Is Jessica Simpson an Elephant or Is It Just Me?

Now before anyone gets all huffy, I am not at all making a dig at her weight gain. I personally think those people who mocked or made fun of Jessica in the media are jackasses and glorified bullies. Not that I'm the biggest Jessica Simpson fan in the world, but I do think she was absolutely gorgeous while she was preggo. She glowed, as you're supposed to in that state and, yeah, sure, she put on about 50 to 60 pounds, but so freakin' what? A). You know it's going to come off because she's a celebrity that still has celebrity and shit to promote and B). Rumor is, she's got some serious motivation in the form of a several-million-dollar deal from Weight Watchers.

So my comparing her to an elephant has nothing to do with her size, but rather how long this chick was actually pregnant. If you're a National Geographic-head like me or you're just up on your knowledge of pachyderms then you know that elephants gestate for a good 22 months. See the connection? I mean, is it me or doesn't it feel like we've been hearing about Jessica Simpson being pregnant since fall of 2010?! I know it's not her fault -- I blame the media and her father, Joe Simpson. I'm not saying it's right but I am guilty of a little schadenfreude when it comes to the Simpson girls (Jessica and Ashlee) and the circumstances surrounding their natal-ness. I just think it's so ironically fitting that Joe Simpson, a former Christian youth minister, has not one, but two daughters who got knocked up before they got married. I swear I'm not judging, but it just reeks of hypocrisy and irony.

I'm seriously not judging. In today's day and age it's almost the norm (especially if you're a celebrity) to get pregnant then get married. Same goes for when the clock is ticking for us over-30 moms. I just barely squeaked in as legal. My baby's due date is exactly nine months after my wedding date. So I just want to say congrats to Jessica and What's-His-Name on the birth of their darling daughter Maxwell Drew. (Don't even get me started on the name.) Can't wait to see the spread in People magazine.