12/15/2010 10:03 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Am I Ready For My Steady? The Consequential Questions

I have to admit, it's been a good long while since I've had a steady boyfriend.

And having a steady takes some practice, some patience, and some serious soul searching to find out if I'm ready to be half of a whole again.

As a 30-something who has already been married and divorced, the keenest self actualization I've had to date is that once the excitement and initial infatuation wears off, once the rose-colored glasses are removed, and the polite niceties fall by the wayside-once the reality of daily life kicks into the relationship, I tend to, well, lose interest.

Romance, after all, is a fickle bitch.

And there are a lot of questions I need to ask myself before I'm ready to stop knocking wood and start knocking boots with one person and only that person for the foreseeable future.

You know the kind of questions I'm talking about.

Am I ready to...

Have an automatic date on Saturday night kind?

Leave a toothbrush and box of tampons at his place kind?

Get shushed during Monday night football kind?

Meet his (sigh) mother kind?

Love cats cuz his ain't ever gonna die kind?

Am I comfortable with...

The fact he no longer excuses himself to let one rip kind?

The stocking of Yuengling six packs in my Sauvignon Blanc only refrigerator kind?

Him rolling his eyes whenever I suggest new window treatments for his man cave kind?

Borrowing fifty bucks and not having to pay it back kind?

Him telling me he's in the mood by dry humping my leg kind?


To take a shower first in the morning to avoid tripping over his wet towels all over the floor kind?

That even though he gave me his extra key, drop-ins are still frowned upon kind?

That when he gets home he will complain about work before kissing me hello kind?

That he completely ignores that coasters are there for a reason and he should keep his damn feet off the coffee table kind?

When he takes the sports section into the bathroom I won't be powdering my nose anytime soon kind?

He has nothing in his house to eat besides two-week old bologna and a crusty bottle of barbecue sauce kind?

He won't turn away from the Terps game for one second to notice my new haircut (and compliment me on it even if it makes me look like a butch beauty queen) kind?

Not caring that...

I no longer set the alarm to wake up ten minutes before him so I can fix my nasty morning breath and raccoon eyes kind?

It's been a week since I shaved my legs and I'm giving him razor burn at night kind?

His snore sounds like two wildebeasts in heat kind?

He laughs harder at the commercials than he does at the shows kind?

He hates shopping more than I hate getting a root canal while listening to Justin Bieber songs kind?

That someday I may...

Put his needs first no matter how inconvenient it is for me kind?

Look past the trivial bullshit and embrace the imperfections of affection kind?

Have to let the fear of failure go and take a leap of faith forward kind?

Be lucky enough to fall asleep and wake up next to the love of my life kind?