03/18/2015 12:18 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Refuse to Sink

I changed my profile picture on Facebook to be a necklace I'd bought for my sister and niece.


It has the words, "Refuse to sink," wrapped around an anchor. I had a couple friends who commented, "But that defeats the purpose of an anchor." They're not wrong. But I've realized, in thinking about it as I can't sleep tonight, that really that necklace -- and the ensuing comments -- is a perfect metaphor for my depression.

Like Sisyphus endlessly pushing his rock up the mountain, we suffering depression are endlessly fighting the urge to sink far beneath the waves. I can't think of anyone suffering depression who would wish the understanding on anyone not already there, but I find it's quite the remarkable metaphor for a battle I'm fighting every damn day.

Likely it's frustrating as all get out for those of you who don't suffer from depression. You don't understand why we can't just "buck up" or "get over it." And neither can we. But I very rarely feel free of the anchor keeping me deep underwater -- I don't remember the last time I felt just a little depressed. Frankly, I don't know if I'd know myself if I felt just a little depressed, but I do wish I felt at least a little less depressed.

Until the time I do (if I ever do), I'll content myself with my three on a scale of one to 10. At least three is greater than a one.

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Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.