10/01/2014 01:34 pm ET Updated Dec 01, 2014

Your Bells and Whistles Are Too Late

It bemuses me that bells only go off for folks (in particular folks who don't suffer mental health issues) when people start actually talking about their mental health issues.

By the time I say I'm cutting. By the time I say I'm thinking of harming myself. By the time I'm blogging on The Huffington Post about the complications in my life because I suffer major depression. By the time these things happen? The crisis point, at least for the moment, has already passed. I'm not saying I have any semblance of a solution. I don't. I do have a start, though. It goes back to my post about my week post-Robin Williams.

I don't know what I would have done, what I would have said, had B, M, or E shown up on my doorstep. It probably would have centered around, "I'm fine," or "I'm a bit tired." Most assuredly no truth about how I was actually in turmoil would have crossed my lips. However I certainly let loose a torrent of emotion when I got a text from abroad saying, "I love you." When from up the street came, "You're not alone." When the country chimed in saying, "This does suck. So hard."

My emotions freed themselves -- in a very big way (I was hysterically crying) -- but I had been reeled back in. I was able to get out of bed. I was able to go to my local coffee shop and shoot the shit with the baristas and other regulars. I ran errands. I read books. I wrote blog posts.

I was connected.

One of the worst things I've found with this... affliction... is feeling so alone. I need to remember I'm not. The number of times I've resented being reined in pales in comparison to the number of times I've been thankful. I wouldn't trade my family and friends for anything.


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Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

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