07/23/2014 10:35 am ET Updated Sep 22, 2014

The 5 Steps You Must Take When Looking for a Love That Lasts a Lifetime

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We have all had that first love. Whether we were teenagers or adults, at some point we experienced the heady rush of first love usually combined with a huge dose of lust and sexual energy.

But was it really love? What if the feelings we all assume are our first love are nothing more than the awakening of our sexual side? What if we have mistaken those feelings of infatuation for the feelings of true love?

It is easy to do. You all of a sudden become the focus of someone else's world. You spend all your waking time with them or thinking about them. Your world now revolves around the person you think you are in love with.

With immaturity on our side we believe that these overwhelming feelings must be love. From that point on, rightly or wrongly, this is the guide that we use to judge being in love.

Every subsequent relationship is measured against our first love. The chemistry, the feelings and the behavior -- all of it comes down to one question "does it make us feel like the first one did?" If not, does that mean it is not true love? Are we walking away from what might be the best love of our lives because it doesn't measure up to something in our past?

A strong and lasting love doesn't just happen. That is lust! A love that lasts a lifetime takes work, commitment and a huge dose of reality thrown in.

The following are the five steps you need to take to find a love that can endure all that life throws its way:

  1. We need to stop comparing a current relationship with a past one. Doing so robs our future of having the opportunity to present us with the most amazing experiences. We judge everything that comes our way on something in our past instead of judging it on the here and now. Instead of looking at it with our more mature outlook and knowledge we keep referring back to the past. The past didn't work out so well yet we refer to it as our template or guide for the future.
  2. It is essential that to find our true love we remove all expectations, all preconceived ideas and all unrealistic notions of what love really is. We need to start with a clean slate and using the wisdom of intuition that we have gained from our past but not allowing history to repeat itself.
  3. We need to uncover the beauty of this new person in our lives. We need to allow ourselves to open up to them and watch the chemistry unfold rather than forcing it to become something we once had. The more we force a new love to conform to a preconceived idea of what our relationship should be, the farther we get from really knowing the ultimate true love.
  4. Consider the old theory of "no sex before marriage," whilst it may seem outdated it has some place in a life where we get caught up in sexual chemistry and focus on the intimate side of a new relationship without taking the time to just explore the other person.
  5. Give yourselves the space to grow into who you really are as a couple. Don't rush into having to settle with someone because you are sexually compatible. The lust dies down and then you are left with the personality, and if you haven't found common ground and haven't built up a strong relationship around your personalities then you will have nothing left when the sexual intensity leaves.

The unconditional love that comes from the synchronicity of two people who live in the here and now is truly life changing. Are you giving your relationship the chance it deserves?