AMC recently released the teaser for season six of Mad Men. It got me thinking.
What if I were married to Donald Draper?
...
Don (arrives home from work): "Hello?"
Me (leaps out from coat closet): "Boo!"
Don: "I hate when you do that."
Me (gives him big hug): "I didn't cook anything because I was just dicking around on the Internet practically all day but I got us pizza. You've never told me what kind of pizza you like so I got us cheese. Everyone loves cheese."
Don: "Here is my coat."
Me: "Okay, yeah, I don't know where to put this so I'll just wear it." (Wears coat; dances and makes sounds as if coat is haunted.)
Don: "I want you to talk to the doctor about drugs."
Me: "Yeah listen, I know all the other wives are on that stuff but it just doesn't agree with me. I get horrible farts and also when I try to drink the Martinis I make for you I feel nuts."
(Full silence for five minutes.)
Me: "Hey so what was it like being in the war? I've been meaning to ask you. It seems like a hot spot and I really think you might feel a bit more relaxed if you opened up about it?"
(Don lights a cigarette.)
Me: "Okay. I guess instead we could talk about that shoe box you're always putting stuff in? What's in there anyway? Is it like... a secret? Like a shoebox for secrets?"
(Full silence for five minutes.)
Me: "You know how much I like secrets."
Don: "Call me when dinner is ready."
Me: "It's a frozen pizza. It's been ready since I started eating it for lunch."
(Silence for one minute.)
Me: "Hey can I talk to you about some feelings I'm having?"
Don: "I'll be in my study."
(Door slams.)
Me (outside of door): "Don?"
*Scene*