02/22/2011 03:06 pm ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

What's Your Swoon Quotient?

A few days ago I came back from errands and met Gay in the kitchen. When we hugged and kissed hello I noticed a wave of bliss/streaming/expansion rush up the front of my body and take me into light swooning. After 32 years of being together, I felt delighted that swooning still occurs regularly and reliably. I wanted to immediately clone the precursors to share with others. How can you ignite, maintain and/or reawaken a higher swoon quotient in your partnerships?

  • Commit to expanding your ability to give and receive (especially receive) more love and positive attention every day. We consider this the one problem in relationship and life that makes everything else worthwhile.
  • Make your connection with your mate your highest priority. Anything having to do with feeling the flow of love and intimacy trumps everything else, especially the daily stuff that's always going on (e.g., light bulbs to replace...) When Gay says, "Hey, Katie..." I turn my full presence toward him and get ready to receive the gift of his attention, no matter what the content. When I have something to share with Gay, he stops what he's doing to give me his full awareness (which is full, believe me!). If the time isn't convenient (e.g., he's not home), I text, e-mail or call to let him know I have something to share and complete when we see each other).
  • Lead with appreciation, always and all ways. I look at Gay through a lens of appreciation, and usually the first thing out my mouth is a current appreciation, something I notice in the moment that excites, charms or expands my joy. You can choose the lens through which you view your partner, and appreciation is the most magical.
  • Reveal, reveal, reveal. Authenticity is the most powerful aphrodisiac and increases your swoon quotient immediately. It's not what you share, it's that you share. Opening the throat opens your whole energy system and can peg your swoon quotient in the most delightful way.

If you have developed unique ways of delighting in your partnering, please share your strategies. As the philosopher Tasso said, "Any time not spent on love is wasted." Swoon!

Swoon quotient: the felt experience of gratitude, intimacy, appreciation and sexual feelings all swirling together, or, the tendency to almost fall over in bliss being around your mate.


Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks are in their 32nd year of living, loving and working together. Learn more at