04/01/2015 01:56 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Parenting's 10 Plagues

On Friday, we'll be celebrating Passover. On the holiday that marks the freedom of my ancestors, my kids and I are being held captive at home by a particularly vicious cold -- in saying that, I'm referring both to the weather and my kids' medical condition.

The bible recounts the 10 plagues with which God struck the Egyptian Pharaoh and his people: Blood, frogs, lice, wild flies, death of livestock, boils, storms of fire, locusts, darkness and first-born death. Home confinement opened my eyes to a whole new set of modern-day plagues.

So, without further ado, I give you parenting's 10 plagues:


1. Toy crumbs
WHAT?? My friend Jean once brilliantly discussed this phenomenon. Toy crumbs are those tiny toy vessels that separate from the mother ship and start traveling around the house independently evoking much "WTF ARE you???" They are never identified nor needed until they've been accidentally thrown out.

They are parent taunters, Murphy's Law channelers and devious little bastards.

2. Legos
Parent torture device, Sisyphean task enforcer and leading toy crumb spreader.

3. Cheerios
Most of the time, we're Floorios. Sometimes, we're buttons.


4. Chalk and Mommy Bum Stickers
Player haters.

5. Lice
Where the original 10 plagues meet the parenting plagues.

6. Excess, more and anything there's too much of
Eye-openers to that fact that anything, including markers, crayons and broken pieces thereof, can be annoying.


7. Kids' Socks
The Houdinis of the garment world. Parents' ultimate "the one that got away". #xfiles

8. Children's TV Programming
Let's just say that Pharaoh's got nothing on "Yo Gabba, Gabba.:

9. Spillage incidents
Patience-testers, provers that one can so totally cry over spilled milk, provided one is a parent.

10. Sleep Deprivation
Not even funny.

What are your top two parenting plagues?