07/28/2008 05:10 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

The Week in News: Fetishist Joe Scarborough Tells It Like It Is

  1. Po Mo McCain don't know much about [military] history.

    McCain has shared his post-racial vision of the world by refusing to distinguish between Sunnis and Shiites, and Iran and Iraq. The post-modernist candidate is now challenging patriarchal linear narratives by creating a revisionist and deconstructive military history in which the War in Iraq precedes the war in Afghanistan and the surge preceded the Anbar Awakening.

  2. Joe Scarborough admits to a bloggers-eating-cheetos-in-their-underwear fetish.

    Joe Scarborough gave MSNBC viewers a peek into his id, when he described the liberal bloggers who dared to criticize McCain as "just sitting there, eating their Cheetos" and saying, "Let me google Anbar Awakening!...Dust flying -- Cheeto dust flying all over. They're wiping it on their bare chest while their underwear -- you know, their Hanes." Hopefully Scarborough's candor will embolden his fellow Hanes-clad-cheetos-covered blogger fetishists to come out of the closet.

  3. Civil Libertarian Bill O'Reilly on torture: "Enough is enough ..."

    Actually, O'Reilly said "Enough is enough with this torture nonsense." O'Reilly and his guest and long-time stereotype battler Laura Ingraham, criticized Obama because he "got up there in front of 200,000 people and he glommed on to one of the most ridiculous and one of the hateful stereotypes about America, which is that we torture. "

  4. Karl Rove on McCain's mistakes: "Whatevs."

    When Alan Colmes brought up McCain's Anbar awakening gaffe, Rove responded by saying, "first of all, let's not get into sort of nit-nat mistakes...Look, let's not get into this... don't make a big deal of it."

  5. Once again, Republicans demonstrate a keen telepathic connection to animals.

    Serving as a spokesmen for both caribou and polar bears, Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) told fellow zoologist Glen Beck: "We saw... were at the beginning of the Trans-Alaska pipeline...and there were a handful of caribou that just kept walking towards us and towards us. They were 30 yards away from us, and they couldn't care less whether we were there, the pipeline was there, or the oil company was there...there was a polar bear out earlier...If you have got polar bears and you've got caribou, it's clear that we can drill in a environmentally friendly way."