It took extra time to severe the knot, not that it was tied too tightly or anything like that. It took a long while because we got a bit caught up in the legal shpegal crap, not the love that was lost. The story was over. Untangling a life takes a bit of time and a shit bucket of courage and moxie. You know when its over it Is over and then the support needed to create separate lives, bank accounts and parenting juggles must show up to assist in the remodel your of world. If it weren't for the extra navigation team, increased fees and hours invested in the Fight, I would not be so god damn divorce savvy. My Ladies in Full Tilt-LIFT Life Coaching practice is predominately ladies in transition (divorce, job changes, kids shedding the nest, etc.) due to this earned degree. I have humbly mastered the ins and outs (brown belt level) on transition. Mostly divorce, my accidental specialty.
Once the ink is dry (about f-in time you will say most likely) and you have had your umpteenth cry and foot stomp, you can go about the business of re-creating a worthwhile life. I did. You can too. document your journey, it will be hilarious and tragic and wonderful. It will be exciting and broken and meaningful. You will dump stupid friends, they will dump you. You will be the most sane you have let in decades and feel absolutely insane too. You will try one nights stands and a new perfume and much more. It's all good, it is just you discovering the real you. I took up dance (sweet spot of life) and snowboarding (ouch), kite surfing (bigger ouch), karaoke (what the hell was I thinking ), and Goldie Locks dating (not so bad), just to dig out what made me feel good. I met my man (dreamy) and I met my meaningful work (is this even a real job -it's so damn fulfilling). That has made the PhD worth it.
A new client, freshly single after an abusive duo decade of marriage, let it all go. The cars, the trips, the house, the title-Mrs Dr. so and so, the crap too. I asked her what she wanted, where she was wanting a LIFT. I want to be fulfilled with my daily life, I want to be interesting to myself and then I want a new career and a new man when I am ready. She is so darling in her earnest pursuit of a beautiful life. She knows a man or new work endeavor will be a distraction. She has plenty to do with getting to know what makes her soar (even if it is Jess Walters). She heeds the advice of my wise dance teacher-friend Tracy's man, Lance (Neuro specialist), 'you date to level of how you feel about yourself'. He double dined with several of my potentials and clearly he was telling me that this Jedi was not ready for love. I now realize I would have been better off not dating for a bit rather than dating the wrong bits. She already knows she may attract the wrong one in this transition chapter.
This newest client decided that each day she would feel good about her choices, her goings on: her piano lesson, her paper work, her work out, her dance, her meals, her organization . She bubbles over with beauty and promise and she just simply Lifts me up. So each week she works on being and feeling fulfilled, even if it is learning how to navigate her 6 plus with the aid of an apple man or ballroom dance lessons. She is so pure in her pursuit of happiness and so damn thankful for feeling free to explore her new story options, she is contagious. She isn't certain who He will be or what the Purpose path will lead to, but she knows the bread crumbs are dropping each time she commits to her fulfillment. Her joy is her guide to both wishes.
Sometimes we just must tuck into ourselves to emerge. Especially after a life altering decision like divorce. These women dedicate time to change their lives. They lift me up. Each week they have hope even with the level of uncertainty they face. Their story is being rewritten, by them. Commitment to decide what they want and what they plan to do about it becomes their religion. And they do it.
I highly recommend staying married if you can exchange love and joy with your chosen person. If the partnership is in ruin and irreparable, get out. Most likely your partner is equally unhappy as well. If both parties had the courage to say "see ya later that was great while it lasted," the PhD training would cease. If you are in transition from a The End of marriage I wish you well. The system can help you if you get the right team, the team that will help you exit with grace and some love and funds in the bank still. Very rare though, hence the extended education I received. Once you are on the other side, you can create a new chapter and live happily ever after. Promise, I did it and I see proof everyday it is so very possible.