THE BLOG
01/27/2016 10:20 am ET Updated Jan 27, 2017

Law of Attraction: 4 Ways You're Derailing Deliberate Creation

There are two reasons I am really passionate about talking about the law of attraction. First, this teaching changed my life more than other piece of personal development information I have ever come across.

Secondly, I think there are so many misconceptions and misunderstandings that leave people really frustrated and disillusioned with the process. Worse still, this misinformation causes people to outright dismiss the concept, thinking it amounts to nothing more than wishful thinking and basically being outright delusional; and they are missing out on realizing how truly powerful we are in shaping our experience.

So many people note a resonance with the teachings. A part of them that just knows there is something to this idea of energy and having a hand in shaping their reality. But then hitting a wall time and time again when it comes to applying what they learn in their every day life.

And on that note, I wanted to address a few of the most common issues that can really muck up our manifesting...

Thinking the Tools are What Change Your Reality

Many people view the law of attraction as synonymous with visualization and other tools like affirmations. And because of this misunderstanding, there is this idea that if you just do these things enough, something will have to change for you. If you just focus enough, if you say a well-crafted affirmation enough times, something has to give, and what you want will come.

But these tools, while integral to the process for most of us, are just that... tools. They are a means of changing your energy, which is the determinant of what will show up for you. If that isn't changing, you can say affirmations until your lips go numb, and stare a vision board until you get a blinding headache, and it won't matter one little bit.

Our action-oriented minds can't quite understand this and we naturally expect that after putting forth some sort of effort, we will be rewarded with some sort of result. But it isn't about what you are doing, it is about what you are being.

So only use your tools if they feel good; only use the ones that resonate with you -- that can be a very individual thing.

Creating From a Space of Resisting Your Current Reality

This one can be tricky. After all, many of our desires are borne of not liking something in our life now. That contrast helps us determine what we would prefer instead. So it's all good we have our preferences and that we like and don't like certain things.

But when we are constantly lamenting our current experience, and wanting whatever it is we want so that all the crap we are dealing with now, all the unpleasant feelings we are dealing with now, will go away once and for all, we are dealing with a screwy energy.

We are definitely not in alignment with what we want, we are much more aligned with what we don't because that is where our focus will tend to be most of the time. We look at what we don't like now, and determine that certain things will fix that problem, and therefore we decide that is what must manifest for us.

But whatever is happening now, there is always something bigger at the root, and the only thing that will truly "fix" the situation is dealing with that energy, not our chosen desire manifesting. For example, if you are lonely, you are probably convinced that the answer to your problem is manifesting a relationship, but it's really not.

It's okay to want whatever you want, but realize the core of the issue is something else, and whatever it is you want truly isn't the answer to the problem.

Realizing this doesn't mean giving up on this manifestation, it simply means being willing to identify what is really going on energetically, and realizing that can be addressed right now, without anything specific having to manifest.

And from that space, it is easier to detach from certain desires and not be so insistent you can't feel better unless you realize them. And guess what? In this space, it will come much more quickly.

Suppressing Emotion in the Name of Being Positive

Upon learning about the law of attraction, you may start feeling pressure to be happy all the time... after all, if our reality is created based on our predominant thoughts, feelings and beliefs, doesn't that mean we best have a big old smile on our face at all times, and do our best to curb negative talk and feelings if we want better stuff to show up in our lives?

Sure, we do want to aim for that higher vibe as much as we can. But if we have negative emotion, we have it, and we have to deal with it. If we try to ignore it, we're not doing ourselves any favors. That energy isn't going anywhere, it is just getting pushed down.

We try to be happy and positive, but it's really not genuine. We're trying to layer all this warm, fuzzy stuff over the "ugly" stuff and that is very different than truly feeling better.

We are afraid that if we acknowledge the "yuck" we will just continue to attract stuff we don't want but that's not really true. Addressing it is the best way to truly dissipate that energy, to truly work though it.

Addressing it is what gives us clarity about what we are truly feeling and only then can we work on shifting it. We can't shift something that is being ignored.

So don't be afraid of your "negative" feelings. They aren't bad. They are just showing you something. Our feelings are nothing more than messengers. The goal isn't to totally get rid of the 'bad' ones and just feel the "good" ones all the time.

That would be awesome, but I don't know if our "humanness" can allow that. We can certainly make great headway in how often, and how intensely, we feel certain things, and how we choose to respond. But as for total annihilation? I'm not too sure about that.

Not Letting the Universe Work Its Magic

When I talk about the Universe, God, Source... whatever you want to call it, offering its divine assistance, I don't mean it intervening on our behalf, observing and judging, and deciding what it will and won't give us, what can and can't happen for us.

I simply mean opening yourself up to this creative energy, and working with it. I mean allowing yourself to become a match to all you want by aligning your energy and acting in a way that is beneficial to the process, not detrimental.

And this means that you are going to have to have some trust, that you are going to have to be willing to do things differently to get different results, to truly see if there is anything to this way of operating.

Far too often, we insist on doing things just as we always have -- trying to control and manipulate, force results through taking lots of action, etc. -- only willing to give up this MO when something manifests to prove to us we can do things the easier way.

But guess what? This easier way, this more joyful way, this more magical way, can't happen because you aren't a match to things coming together in that way. You are still a match to things coming together the hard and frustrating way, or not coming together at all.

The energy has to come first and only then can the manifestations make their way in. You can't take the "I'll believe it when I see it" approach here... it just won't work.

If you want this amazing -- but neutral -- force to do its thing for you, you are going to have to actively decide to operate differently. You may not fully trust or believe, that's cool. But that willingness to give it a try is a must.

You must ask yourself if you have really given yourself over to the process as best you can.

Hope that shed some manifesting light for you.

Kelli Cooper is a blogger and coach who focuses on the much misunderstood law of attraction. Check out her blog Life Made to Order for posts, podcasts, products and information about her coaching services.