This has been one of the most tragic and traumatic years of my life.
This has been one of the best years of my life.
I know those two sentences together look and sound absurd as this is the year that I have been diagnosed with brain cancer and gone through two craniotomies, radiation and high doses of chemotherapy. Even seeing that written out makes it so real that it is hard to see it and believe that it all really happened. It still feels like this is a strange nightmare that I can't shake, looming over me in a series of flashbacks. But, overall this year has taken me on a journey that has changed my life, and I think that is spectacular. Obviously f*** cancer, but f*** yes to what I've learned, who I've met and where I'm going.
Although I am still grappling with my beliefs, one thing I know is true is that the Universe is always communicating with us. Everyday in little ways it is showing us something that we need to see -- signs. In the days following my first craniotomy I slept a lot. A lot, a lot. One of those days I woke up and saw a lady bug crawling on me. I didn't brush it away, but felt a sort of connection to it. You're probably thinking, "Hey, ladybugs are in my house too. This is not some sign, relax chick," well sorry to burst your bubble, but to me it is. Even before that first craniotomy my close friend had given me a ladybug bracelet and a little ladybug charm for good luck and to this day I constantly see ladybugs. You: "Holy crap we get it you are a crazy person who is probably having an infestation of beetles." No, I'm not. I know that these little good luck charms are climbing all over my life to show me that I am going in the right direction. I am on the right path. I am going to be ok.
I believe signs are real and that we should all be looking for signs in our life because they are there. I am constantly seeing patterns in my life, a synchronicity -- a term to describe the seemingly coincidental occurrences that repeat themselves in daily life. However synchronicity is what humans manifest for themselves, our thoughts and actions become what we attract into our lives. I am seeing good signs because I look for good signs.
We can also manifest people into our lives. Since my diagnosis I have attracted spiritual people into my life such as healers in the form of neurosurgeons, oncology nurses, reiki masters, reflexologists, acupuncturists, shamans, wig genies, natural healers and infrared sauna dealers. And it is by no mistake, I seek out these people and things and bring them into my life.
I am currently picturing my future thinking higher and further as to what I can accomplish, to achieve the highest frequency I can. I create vision boards of the life I want without cancer on my mind. I see a life free of health qualms and a life full of joy and success.
I enter 2015 with the anniversary of my diagnosis. Maybe it's my 23-year-old naivety that has gotten me this far, but I hope it never fades. Even on my darkest days I feel an inner power pushing and reaching for more. An inner strength that I will never let go. I look forward to 2015 and what it holds for me. I hope the same for you.
I leave you this poem that my mom brought into my life, "The Guesthouse" by Rumi, as a New Years gift to you:
Happy New Year!