05/09/2013 05:49 pm ET Updated Jul 09, 2013

Jimmy The Elevator Guy

Ninety percent of the voicemails I've received this week are for someone named Jimmy. I don't know Jimmy but I do know Gary needs him for an elevator job that involves a certain elevator model that only Jimmy knows inside and out. At first it was exciting -- I don't get a ton of voicemails so to see two new voicemails from an unfamiliar number, well that was something.
Gary was quick and direct in the first message "Jimmy, it's Gary. I got one of those elevators on the fritz. Give me a call will ya, buddy?" The second one sounded like Gary's hangover was kicking in "Jimbo, I need you to call me. Today. Seriously don't be a jerkoff. It's Gary." Two hours later I saw Gary rang my phone, I already recognized his number. This time he left the office number so I called him back. A lady answered the phone and said "Something Something Elevators." I asked for Gary. She asked "Who's callin?"

"I'm a friend of Jimmy's" I said without hesitation.

She put me on hold for what I felt was an unreasonable amount of time, I'm pretty sure Jimmy wouldn't have liked it either. I hung up.

The next day I was at the gym when I saw Gary calling my phone, I sent him to voicemail. I didn't want to help Gary anymore.

Gary left two messages describing the elevator situation and implied Jimmy had a history of irresponsible behavior. I had had enough. I called Gary one more time.

"Something Something Elevators"

"Yeah is Gary there?"

"Who's calling?"

"Tell him it's Jimmy."

I get transferred to another lady.

"Something Something Elevator"

"I'm trying to reach Gary."

"Who's calling?"

"It's a friend of Jimmy's."

"Gary's not here, can I take a message?"

"Yeah can you tell him he has the wrong phone number for Jimmy. He keeps leaving him voicemails on my number."

"Do you have a new number for him? We have a job for him."

"I know you have a job for him but I don't even know Jimmy. I'm just trying to get out of the loop."

"I thought you said you were a friend of Jimmy's."

"I just said that to try to get Gary on the phone."

"Okeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" she says like the only thing she is going to remember about this conversation is that I said I was Jimmy's friend even though I wasn't.

"Will you give Gary the message?"

"Wait, here's Gary, you want to talk to him?"

"Not really. Can't you just tell him what's going on?"

The lady starts laughing.

I hang up.

I immediately got embarrassed that I hung up and thought about calling back and saying we got disconnected, but I didn't. Instead I sat around and wondered if I should have handled it differently.

There's a part of me that thinks it was an elaborate prank. I'm anticipating a voicemail tomorrow:

"Hey this is Jimmy, just calling in for messages."

I kinda hope so.

I have a feeling Jimmy is my type.

Thanks for listening!


Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn't settle.
twitter @kendracomedy