I recently received a message from a very presumptuous Facebook "friend" that said:
I'd like you to consider being my girlfriend when you require cash, and I am in need of your company.
I didn't respond to this man, as I was unsure how to consider the offer, but it did give me pause to consider the question.
The Cost:
Is there a price tag on girlfriendhood? Should there be? And if there is, what 's the price? Who sets the bar? Is it a straight exchange of cash for company? Where do we draw the line between princess treatment and prostitution?
From the Carrie Diaries
There is a classic Sex in the City episode where Carrie joins her "kept" friend for a double-date dinner. Eventually, she ends up in bed with her "date" in his hotel room. He takes off the next morning, early, but not without leaving a thick envelope of cash. As she lay in bed, she calls her girlfriends, pondering whether she should take the money, or be insulted. Do we consider her a prostitute?
Facebook Friends Weigh-in:
I posted the man's comment on my Facebook wall to get a reading from the collective conscious. What came back was a firestorm of reactions on both sides of the argument.
Here is a sampling:
"I don't believe that you are that kind of girl. Tell him there are plenty of websites out there where he can find whatever he is looking for... and don't ever message you again."
"Now there is a tough one. I tend to be the optimist. Take it as a compliment."
"He is PIG. Total insult. As a man I apologize on behalf of all men."
"Delighted!!!"
"He is trying to pay you for sex right?"
"I got a similar offer, but she asked for a three month 'lease.' Supermodels rarely want to buy...I've decided it is only what I label it. I've decided it just is..."
"A women as yourself, a classic, there is no other with your qualities... He would have to prove himself worthy of purchase, then you name the price, and it would not be money."
The Sugar Daddy Factor:
The shades of gray around this topic abound, as do the plethora of opportunistic websites. One of the more popular is Sugardaddie.com. Some women on that site name their price right on their profiles.
"Pay my rent, and I'll make myself available Tuesday and Thursday's from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m."
Some mercurial young women seem to have funded their college educations this way. I have a friend, who after years of supporting herself, informed me that she's tired of living on the edge and not being able to make ends meet. She recently started dating a billionaire. Does she love him? Maybe. Or, maybe one day she will. Would marrying him ease her financial angst? Absolutely. Does he love her? She's quite beautiful. Maybe. But, maybe she's just his arm-candy.
The moral and philosophical machinations of the "love for money, and money for love," dynamic are a conundrum to me.
Princess or prostitute?
I appreciate being put on a pedestal. Being indulged like a princess is pretty cool. I love the gift of a dozen red roses when it's not Valentine's Day. I feel very special when a man surprises me with a gorgeous dress he felt I had to have. I am very grateful when I get treated to spectacular dinners, great concert seats and romantic holidays at exotic destinations.
Is that a price tag? Is that my price? If the man who sent me the message had proffered a vacation instead of cash, would it have changed my consternation? Absolutely.
Doesn't every relationship come with a price tag?
I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic.
Reach out to me at kerrizane.com