01/15/2013 02:52 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

I'm OK to Weigh...

What is the ideal weight?

It seems to me that the range of 110-120 lbs holds a lot of women's personal ideal body weight; a "magic number," of sorts.

And I never understood why. We all come in different shapes and sizes and there are millions of us. How could the ideal range be so small?

Over the years, I've rarely heard of any woman being really honest and open about her weight. The real number on the scale.

And it confuses me.

What's the big deal?

It's like some dirty little secret, what we really weigh.

And it's never the right number.

Just last week, I heard a beautiful friend of mine say near a group of kids, including her daughter, "I need to lose 10 pounds in the next month" because of a trip.

No. No, she doesn't.

I have also witnessed tangible hate spew from the eyes of many a woman who met a close friend of mine for the first time. She's naturally thn, but also is an athlete for health reasons. Yet, I find myself defending her lean physique to jealous women who weigh more than her.

All. The damn. Time.

Why can't we be more reasonable with our numbers?

Why can't we be more accepting of other peoples' numbers?

Over the last eight years, between two pregnancies, stressful times, happy times, medical issues, butt surgery and everything else, I have traversed the clothes racks from the size 14 section to the size 6. Back and forth. Back and forth.  

And I bet you just had an emotional response to those numbers, thinking it was really big or really small or too much of a range or something else altogether.

Who cares what my sizes were?

Did I love myself any more or less because of the number on my pants or the scale? Did my husband? My kids?

Absolutely not. Why should we?

And how dare we talk about this stuff in front of our kids? How dare we negatively call ourselves fat or ugly or skinny or too short or too whatever in front of our kids, who think we are always, always beautiful?

Why do we want them to start buying the bullshit that we aren't beautiful just the way we are? That they aren't beautiful just the way they are?

I do now, for health reasons, know I have a number I need to stay below. Or at least, stick close to.  It's not for looks. It's not for vanity.

And it sure as hell ain't anywhere near 110-125 pounds.

I'm learning that if I can stay just under 160 pounds, my food intake is balanced enough that I'm not re-injuring my butt.* I refuse to let the love of second slices of cheesecake cause me to have anal surgery again. No, thank you!

It also seems to be where my asthma is the most controlled.  And my doctors are happy with it, since my family has so much cancer, heart, cholesterol and other issues on their plate. None of us want me to have to deal with any of that.

Are other people taking all of this into consideration when they choose their number, whether it be an "Above This" or "Below This" decision?

Why do we give a shit what the women on TV, movies and celebrity rags say they weigh, or insist is the best weight/size/body shape for everyone?

I just don't get it.

And I will never, ever be embarrassed to say:

My name is Kim,
and today I weigh 158.4lbs

Will you share your real weight with me right now?

Do you have an "Above This" or "Below This" number?
How did you choose it?

Have your kids said anything about dieting or weight yet, yours or theirs?
What was that experience like?

This article was previously published on

*Due to complications during my second pregnancy, I have had multiple complications with and surgeries on my butt. I'll spare you the details.