I am going to try to use this opening paragraph as my vision board, à la The Secret. I would like to manifest the following dreams: a never-ending bottle of Maker's Mark, morning sex (after we shower, but not before he pays me), and for the world to appreciate Royal Stevenson, the title character in my new webseries, Royal Sabotage. That is my greatest aspiration of all.
From birth I was obsessed with the sound of laughter, and since then I've been looking to live my life on laughter I inspire; to tell stories professionally, which entails talking about anything to anyone who will and won't listen; and to help people feel good Still, I could never have predicted the exact route that has brought this goal within reach.
Over two years ago I began my first-ever walk of shame, en route to Runyon Canyon after a magical evening spent on a rooftop of the parking structure adjacent to the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. I was supposed to meet a friend at the famed Hollywood hiking trail at 10 a.m.; it was 9:45, and my phone was dead, but I am not one to flake, so I arrived, and did so on time. Surprising, I know, that even hungover, I'm always on time. As I approached the entrance I could see JJ Wienkers in all his sparkling glory, blocking the path, over-stretching his body, and wearing just a tank top, glitter, and a devilish smile. Alongside him, I trekked that mountain in dress shoes, a baby-blue button-down, and a pair of jeans too tight to house my big ass. Together, JJ and I made a dazzling pair -- of misfits. Misfits who, in that moment, on that trail, discovered in one another a creative soulmate.
We became the best of friends, the best of writing partners, and, soon enough, the best of co-executive producers. My improvisation merges seamlessly with his finesse; my yin with his yang. My point is that JJ and I have taught one another as much about life as we have about storytelling and comedy.
Royal Sabotage, our first co-creation, finally arrived on this Earth on March 10, 2012, at 2 p.m., weighing in at around 900 pounds. It was a natural birth, and we and our production team couldn't have been prouder or more tired. We kicked open the door of our launch party and yelled into the street, "We have created your comedic Savior!" to which the meth addict pushing a shopping cart across the sidewalk shrieked, "I like orange juice!"
Good for him! And good for all of you, too, because whatever your feelings about orange juice are, through our webseries, you will have the pleasure of meeting and falling in love with an equally kooky character: Royal Stevenson, after whom, as I said, the show is named.
Royal is the world's most endearing narcissist and a surprisingly composed (all-)day drinker. His carefree life is put to the ultimate test once he is, like many 20-somethings today, dropkicked into the world of unemployment -- only for him it is his mother who signs the pink slip.
Throughout the first season, Royal attempts to navigate the real world; thankfully, accompanying him on this odyssey of excess is his trusted assistant, Beau Bardot, whom Royal manages to find a way to retain in spite of his joblessness. With her by his side, Royal stumbles closer to his family, trips into the arms of an ex, and falls for his best friend's current flame. Eventually, he sobers up long enough to realize that there is more to life than just booze, boys, and... ummm... ah, yes, true love! Finding the man of his dreams! That's really important, right?! Well, that and a job. But one step at a time. Once he runs out of the money he stole from his loved ones, he'll make sure to look for a job... well, he'll make sure his assistant will look for a job for him.
Though I might be the one privileged enough to play Royal, and he may be loosely modeled after one of my first wonderfully crazy and exhibitionist nights (which, thankfully, due to unexpected weight gain, has never been recreated exactly), we are completely different people, Royal and I. He has been described by viewers as offensive, boisterous, disturbingly charming, and chubby, to which my mother would counter, "[Kingsley]'s just husky!" Thanks, Mom...
Any and all comparisons to him and adjectives indicating my supposed heft aside, this project has literally changed my life forever, for the better. From conception to finished script to filming and post-production, neither I nor anyone else involved in bringing this series to life has been paid a single cent. Aside from the $3,000 in donations that we were able to fundraise, everyone offered up their talent, time, equipment, and space because they believed in Royal Sabotage. They believed in our production team, which, along with JJ and me, includes Alexis Bloom, Kimberly Eaton, and Patrick Gomez. They believed in the power of laughter, and the power of people coming together to fulfill a common dream.
Yes, what has really brought my goal within reach (even more than sex and a lack of discretion) is the people I have met along the way who also want nothing more than to tell stories and make people feel good. And this is just the beginning. We will continue creating together, and I know that some day we will be able to provide everyone with the compensation that their gifts deserve. For now, at least, their magic is on display. So please, take a look at Royal Sabotage and see for yourself. And may we make all your dreams (for us) come true!
With love and morning sex,
P.S. Here's an exclusive video especially for you: