THE BLOG
10/09/2015 04:08 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Becoming Vulnerable Again After Being Hurt

Vulnerability comes as a natural bi-product of healing our relationship wounds. In order to transcend a closed heart (because that is what lack of vulnerability is), we must be willing to admit and declare three things:

(a) I've been incredibly hurt

(b) I am afraid

and most importantly...

(c) I am willing to do what it takes to heal

Becoming vulnerable again after emotional pain is an inside job. No one "out there" can do this for us. As long as we are telling and retelling our story we will keep experiencing the pain and remain stuck. Within that dense energy we are incapable of opening our hearts to another. We may not realize how our closed heart keeps closing doors and choose to justify more failed relationships as solely the other person's fault. By recognizing our fears, we begin to understand how potent our unhealed pain really is by the havoc it wreaks in our current and potential relationships.

By admitting the three truths above, we are bringing our shame and pain out of the shadows and into the light. Pain and shame have a helluva time living in the light. Conversely, if we deny or minimize our pain, we are sweeping our wounds under the rug where they will only fester and grow.

The pattern for most is to ignore pain, although in order to heal, we must declare our pain and let our stories go. Our past has no power over us unless we give it power.

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Conversating with Spirit while on the healing path is how you co-create with the divine in order to heal. Some situations are insurmountable by ourselves because we simply cannot see the answers or are blinded by our ego's haunting words. By adopting affirmations or new verbiage regarding our situation, we immediately begin to shift the density of our pain and embark on a healing path. Owning our pain is the best place to start.

Yes, I've been hurt. It really sucked; however, I am ready to leave this story behind and reclaim my life!

The same holds true for admittance of fear.

I am very afraid of a new relationship; however, I am willing to do what it takes to heal.

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By merely declaring "I am willing," the energy swirling in the cosmos regarding your point of attraction naturally begins to shift. Even though you can't feel it yet, you have started down the healing path. The Divine/Universe will hear your call for help and healing and step in to assist you. However, this doesn't mean your work ends. It means that things will begin to line up in your life that bear the answers you seek. Once you begin to gain this new insight, you must then be willing to start practicing it.

Another great place to start is to locate a mentor/coach/friend who has dealt with the same issue and overcame it successfully. Even though there are oodles of wonderful professionals out in the world, there is no one better to understand you than someone who has dealt with a similar issue. If you are having trouble locating someone, ask Spirit!

Recommended reading: From Doormat to Sweet Empowerment by Kristen Brown. A spiritual guide to reclaiming your personal power in relationships and life.

After a profound betrayal in 2009, I made a hardcore decision to heal my wounds prior to attempting dating again. I was willing to do whatever it took to ensure I would not repeat the pattern of my past. Recognizing I was living from my story and incredibly afraid, was the very first step I took. For me reclaiming my self-worth and personal power put me back in the driver seat in my life and my relationships. No longer was I floundering around unsure of who I am, what I deserve or who I could trust with my heart. Once I learned to fully love all of me the rest started falling gently into place. I was no longer afraid of who I could trust, because I trusted myself completely.

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Trusting oneself is one the most important things we can acquire in this life. We cannot trust others deeply until we trust ourselves deeply. When we learn who we are and get to know ourselves very well, we are better positioned to spot toxic people from the gate. Part of the fear of embarking on a new relationship is that we will repeat the same situation. If we don't heal what attracted that situation to us, we will replay similar situations until we heal the false belief causing all this mayhem in the first place.

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After any "failed" relationship, the time we take to feel and heal afterward will have great effect on how we show up in future relationships. Give yourself (and your beautiful, sweet soul) the gift of healing. Even though Mr./Ms. Past Ass was not for you, this does not mean that Mr./Ms. Wonderful isn't out there waiting for you to heal your heart so you can welcome him/her in.

Ready to heal wounds and attract your ideal partner? Sign up for a coaching session with Kristen Brown today! www.kristenbrown.org

"I've seen 8 different therapists and I've always walked away from our sessions more confused! Every session with Kristen leaves me feeling clear and inspired to keep going!"
Christina -- Physicians Assistant, Phoenix, AZ