THE BLOG
12/27/2012 04:26 pm ET Updated Feb 10, 2013

Falling in Love With My Gay Best Friend

He's good-looking, hot, smart, sophisticated, fun and sexy. Oh, and one more thing: He's gay. You love your gay male guy, but would you risk falling in love with him? It's an issue that more than one woman has had to deal with in a relationship that is a perfect blend of everything except sex.

During the earliest days of my writing career, my best friend Brett and I were in a situation that we liked to call "dateless dating," meaning that we weren't a couple but spent the so-called date nights with each other. Both of us were involved in building our journalism careers, and we had no time for significant others, so we did everything together: movies, Broadway shows and weekend candlelit dinners of pizza and wine. We even went on vacations together, and one time swam naked in the Gulf of Mexico at night. Everyone assumed we were in love but, truly, romance had no part in our relationship. We loved each other but we could never be in love and we never went beyond the quick greeting or parting kiss and hug. I respected Brett's sexual orientation as he respected mine. Our friendship was the most important issue for us.

Still, despite the no sex part or possibly because we weren't having sex, we had a great relationship. Walking through the park we'd hold hands, stay for sleep-overs at each others places after all-night research sessions and enjoy each other's company. We were so perfect together that when we spent holidays together two years in a row, relatives began privately asking me, "When's the big day?"

I knew there wasn't going to be a big day for Brett and me; we were just great buddies! I loved him and he loved me, but only as friends.

Brett was always there for me and that was especially true one year after my life had some major upheavals. One Friday while we had our usual candlelight pizza and wine dinner, I poured my heart out to him. There were some unpleasant family issues going on, a deadline I had been damn-sure I'd be able to meet was looming with not much progress on my part and my beautiful ancient car was giving me grief. Brett took me in his arms and we snuggled on the couch while I cried. He told me that I was just overtired and overwhelmed and that everything would be okay. He kissed my hair and held me close.

His arms were strong, he smelled so good, he was very male and suddenly, I was acutely aware of something; I was sexually attracted to Brett. Being in his arms was very arousing. I wanted him and I asked myself, why not?

But, even in my over-tired and wine hazed mind, two things made me consider what I was about to do and made me not do it. One was that I didn't want to embarrass Brett by making a move that would make him have to choose between doing something he didn't want to do or rejecting me outright. The second issue was our perfect friendship, which I definitely prized and didn't want to ruin.

Eventually, I fell asleep in his arms and woke up to find both of us had spent the night on the pull-out couch. Looking at him sleeping in all his innocence, I decided that I had made the right decision. I wanted him in my life and would not risk losing what we had.

As time went on I had to acknowledge, even if just to myself, that I had a major crush on Brett. If he knew, he never let on and I continued to enjoy our relationship the way it was even though I sometimes fantasized about us and found more in his hugs than just friendship.

Eventually I met my love, my so-called "soul mate," and married him. To my great joy, my husband and Brett hit off as friends, both of them die-hard Yankee fans. Brett met his love too and a couple of years ago, I was an attendant at their wedding. Before his big day, I took Brett out for drinks. After his fourth Blue Moon, he told me something that was sweet and touched my heart.

"You know something Kristen? If things had been different, you know if we were different, I'd be marrying you tomorrow. That's how much you mean to me. You are a person I want to keep in my life. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nodded. Oh yes, more than you know. Thank you, Brett.

© 2012 copyright Kristen Houghton

"And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First" ranked in the top 100 books by Tower Books.com

Kristen Houghton is the author of the hilarious book, No Woman Diets Alone - There's Always a Man Behind Her Eating a Doughnut in the top 10 hot new releases at Amazon available now on Kindle, Nook, and all e-book venues.

You may email her at kch@kristenhoughton.com.