07/02/2013 11:04 am ET Updated Sep 01, 2013

Post-Divorce: An Adventure Is Waiting

Okay everyone, it's time...

The divorce papers have been signed and filed and the time has come to emerge from the post-divorce doldrums and make some positive changes in your life. Believe it or not this is a great time to begin to make plans for your future life. The slate should be wiped clean of any and all negativity and a concentrated effort needs to be made to make positive changes. New doors need to be unlocked and pathways forged where you begin to challenge the status quo of your life. Your life is an adventure; make it a good one.

At this period, you need to get rid of repetitive and negative mind-sets that keep you in a rut. This is the time to be honest with yourself and find the correct pathways to what you truly need and want. Here are a few tips.

Seek and make your own happiness.
I love my family and friends, but if I depended on any one of them to provide me with happiness on a daily basis, I would be disappointed. The reverse would be true if they expected me to do the same. What makes you happy? Discover your own unique talents and skills and work towards opening a door that lets you use them.

Get off the divorce guilt-trip.
You are human. Guilt is the most useless emotion we have yet we hold onto it and wear it like Hester Prynne wore the scarlet letter in Hawthorne's famous book. We wallow in it; we develop a relationship with it, keeping it with us night and day. Guilt becomes our constant companion stopping us from living. Never think that by feeling guilty you are showing an acceptance of responsibility and never allow others to impose 'guilt-tripping' on you.

Be a life architect and design a blueprint for yourself.
Create a master plan for your life. Throw away what isn't working including any and all hurtful relationships, and begin designing a life that you want.

Live life your way.
Sandra Bullock, who went through her own highly-charged divorce, has the right idea about living life her way. She says her attitude is what's made her happy. "I never did anything according to what anyone else wanted. That's why I think I am happy. I do everything 100 percent. I fight every single day to live my true life because I don't ever want to come home saying, 'I should have spoken my mind. I shouldn't have let someone tell me how to live.' "

The hell with what others have. Make your life enviable!
Don't fool yourself into believing that other couples have a perfect life or that your ex is now out and about having fun while you're curled up on the couch eating Rocky Road. You are creating your own misery. Never spend part of every single day obsessing over what other people have or how they live. Spend more time on thinking of ways to make your life be the way you want it to be.

Remember that the happiest people after a divorce are the ones who create the life they want and think of ways to make it better for themselves first. Become one of them. Seriously, whose life are you living? Make sure you're living for you and that you make your own life an adventure worth taking.

Post divorce time can be one of the best learning experiences you will ever have. It's time to move forward and begin really living.

© 2013 copyright Kristen Houghton

Read the just released Welcome to Hell by Kristen Houghton. An Amazon Kindle Best.

"And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First" ranked in the top 100 books by Tower

Kristen Houghton is the author of the hilarious book, No Woman Diets Alone -- There's Always a Man Behind Her Eating a Doughnut in the top 10 hot new releases at Amazon available now on Kindle, Nook, and all e-book venues.

You may email her at