THE BLOG
08/06/2010 10:43 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Diary of First Lady Michelle Obama -- Marbella, Spain Vacation

Visited an old Cathedral in Granada today. It was very sad to see. The tour guide told us that it was once a beautiful mosque before those Spanish monarchs turned it into a creepy Church.

And what's with the food portions here? They are way too small. Oh, I know they're "tapas" (small plates) -- but I have a big appetite! I've come up with a strategy to get around the tiny tapas; whenever I see something on the menu I like, I just order three of them.

And what is up with the media coverage of this trip? Those nasty people at CBS actually reported that it cost the taxpayers $147,000 to fly my government plane here. (By the way, I thought it would have cost at least double that.) Others are harping on the 70 secret service agents working my detail! Do they want the First Lady to go out and about unprotected?! Sounds like some latent racism to me. Did Laura Bush ever receive such scorn? Noooo...because to them, Marian the Librarian was vanilla...and totally non-threatening. But let's face it, a lot of Americans have trouble with strong, brainy, devastatingly beautiful black woman. Let 'em keep nitpicking at me--I don't give a rat's ass. At least the international press is appropriately in awe of me. My staff says that 8,000 reporters are covering my visit. I should hope so!

I'm feeling a little bloated from all those salty Spanish olives I've been eating. As soon as we hit the Gulf Coast this weekend l'm going to start a green cleanse. I'll be damned if I'm going to subject myself to any of that oily seafood down there. Since Barack "worked" so hard on that spill, let him eat the results.

Well, I better get going. My 40 traveling friends and Mama are waiting for me to go down to the shopping district before dinner. I suppose I need to pick up some trinket for Barack's birthday. I'm thinking maybe a Spanish translation of "Dreams From My Father"...