It would be nice if I met someone to have fun with and enjoy life with. A sexy companion as it were.
That's where I am at in the whole "dating after divorce" world.
Joy. Fun. Sex. Traveling. Passion. Competition--not against each other, but with each other. Conversation. Commitment-- but at an adult level. Two people complementing each other, not completing each other.
I'm not looking for a dad for my daughter. She's got one thanks. And as far as getting married again? Maybe. I'm not against it.
But what I am against is dating someone in an effort to complete myself. That's not needed. I'm good as is, on my own.
However, there are a lot of people separating and divorcing who just fly into the next relationship only for it to flop horrifically. I've seen it happen time and again, and watched as people said, "Why did this happen?"
My response?
You didn't date yourself first. You didn't get yourself together so you would be ready to meet the right person. You got yourself out there as quickly as possible to meet ANYONE. And the fact is, that never works out. There is no person that can act as a band-aid to help remedy your divorce grief. To remedy your own issues and pain.
There is of course, you-- and you can get yourself strong so that the next relationship you have whether it's for fun or the long-haul-- is a success, and that's by dating yourself first.
I:
-Focused on my career: I honed in on where I wanted to go next and then started on the path of reaching my goals, step by step.
-Made therapy a priority: I tried to help myself in the healing process by asking the professionals, and not seeking some quickie boyfriend to bandage me up. I did it on my own.
-Recognized my flaws in the marriage: I saw where my actions were flawed in the marriage.
-Acknowledged: I acknowledged what it was that upset and hurt me by my ex and decided that those things that struck me as hurtful the most would be dealbreakers for the next go-round.
-Admitted: That I was dependent at times and that my self-esteem has kept me from finding a solid relationship.
-Accepted: That dating after divorce is hard simply because I know what I want, what I don't want, and am a mother with a ton of married friends, which makes dating hard. I accepted that I may never meet my intelligent kind sexy companion love and equal ever and if so, I will be sad but I will adjust.
-Surrounded: I surrounded myself with a good support network and friends and enjoy my time with them.
-Confessed: I confessed to myself my flaws, my wants, my strengths, and my weaknesses. I am getting to know me.
There is one thing you will never regret after divorce and that's getting to know yourself. For the past year and a half, it's what I have done and I know that if I am to ever meet someone, he will be lucky to have a solid woman.
Fall in love with you and it will be easy for someone else to!