01/24/2012 11:40 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

"But Can I Get Extra Cheese With My Cheese?" (VIDEO)

Do you ever wonder about cheese?

Not cheese in the French sense of cheese:

A really expensive hunk of something smelly with a few plain crackers and slices of ripe pear on a plate of pretentiousness.

But cheese in the American sense:

Buffalo cheese wings and cheese soup and cheesy bread sticks and cheesy dipping sauce with a side order of cheesy fries and spicy cheese chips with cheese on top?

What is our national obsession with fake cheese? Why are there cheese bagels? And cheese muffins? Why does delivery pizza have to stuff its crust with cheese even though there's already cheese on the pizza because pizza is already dough with cheese on top?

Why, at most chain restaurants, like Cheese Garden and AppleCheese's, does even the salmon come stuffed with cheese and/or topped with cheese sauce? Why do I fear that the next new "flavor" of Cheerios will be "Cheese-Flavored" Cheerios?


Please. Someone. Explain.