07/31/2015 03:41 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Dear Donald Trump: Not All Women Live to Please Men


Dear Donald Trump,

Let me start by saying that this is not a love letter. You might expect it to be, as you've historically assumed that women are flirting with you, consciously or not. I'm writing this because I really think someone needs to lay it all out for you.

It doesn't surprise me that you would advertise a comment like "If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America." But it may surprise you to learn that not all women are here for the satisfaction of men.

After first passing it off as a distasteful joke, I began to think about your long history of sexism and mistreating women. This most recent stunt has given the impression that a woman's primary job is to please a man. Women must be obedient wives before they can amount to anything else. You're putting all women into this category and assuming they shouldn't also want more for themselves.

Many married women sought to excel in their careers first. Single women who haven't found the person they want to be with shouldn't be encouraged to feel like their lives don't have meaning in the workplace and community. There are also powerful members of the LGBT community who will never want to have a husband. Just because we don't always please the men in our lives, doesn't mean that we lack the ability to be leaders.

Some women who wish to showcase their beauty and talent are subject to your exclusion. You initially disqualified a transwoman from a beauty pageant, citing that contestants needed to meet your definition of "naturally born" women. It is my belief that only you can decide who and what you are. While the rule was overturned, there's still much to improve on.

You continue to assert that women should look and abide by heteronormative, old-fashioned standards. To give one example, you publicly criticized Rosie O'Donnell for being disgusting inside and out. Yet you expressed your opinion solely by calling her fat, ugly, and a slob. You said nothing of her character, work, or values. Because you see women only for their appearance. What would you know about what a woman is like on the inside?

You must be an intelligent man on many levels to have achieved all of your success. Why not advertise that intelligence by sharing your difference of opinion, rather than publicizing superficial judgments?

Your tunnel vision also showed when you said that Angelina Jolie doesn't fit the definition of beauty. You say that you really understand beauty. But what I hear is that there's so much that you can't see or understand because you limit your mind to a "one size fits all" lens.

There is much you have to learn about women. They'll continue to challenge and stretch that lens until you can't ignore the holes in the fabric. Women have made huge strides over the hurdles placed by sexist men.

Let me break it down for you with a basic representation.

The other day, it was storming hard as I parked my car in the parking lot. I knew I could sit in the car until it cleared up and stay warm and dry, or I could get out. If I stayed in the car I wouldn't get wet, but I wouldn't be going anywhere either. So I got out, knowing it would be messy, because I wanted to get to where I was going. While this is simple and insignificant, it fits with the message I want to convey.

Not all women wait for their chances and choose to sit still in life, staying safe where nothing can bother them. Today there are many brave, strong women who take their chances to get what they want, regardless of how those chances present themselves.

I don't believe in women always going by the book, because someone like you wrote it. The 21st century is our sequel. We don't need to please a husband or meet their standard of beauty to do what we want. That's not only because I, like you, am attracted to women. It is also because I simply don't always need someone with me in order to do what I want.