When your kid gets under your skin or make you feel really proud, should you be writing about it on the internet?
Do our kids have a say in how we expose them to the world? Even the cutest baby picture, who's to say in ten or 20 years that that child will be glad you exposed him of her to the world in a diaper?
Have you asked your child what they think now? Can they foresee the future?
Kids who say, "NO" they don't want their picture seen kind of make it easy. We can listen to them. But it's the kids who say "Yes" that worry me because do they really know what they are saying "yes" to?
Then beyond the pictures are our frustrations with our kids that we air looking for advice or their accomplishments that we brag about. Who's to say we have the right to do this?
Our kids aren't our property to discuss to anyone who happens to view our blog. Right? What's your opinion?
Am I making too much of this or too little?
I've listed some pros and cons but this is a post I really need comments about.
1. I love my child, so I want to spread that love and share it. I want to shout it from the roof tops.
2. I want my friends and family and other well-wishers to enjoy each milestone, in fact each second of my kids development.
3. I like to laugh about my kids antics and let others enjoy them, too.
4. I want others to know my kids are normal just like theirs and do all kinds of funny and even raucous things to know what we all are going through.
5. I want to know what's the norm for different ages. By posting what my child is doing and getting feedback I have a kind of measure of how my child is measuring up.
6. I want advice from people that will help me improve my parenting, so if they see what my kids are up to, they can guide me.
7. When I get frustrated, I need an outlet. Writing about what's going on relieves the stress and pressure and then I handle things more calmly.
8. When my child is doing something off the mark and I think it's funny., maybe it's not ,and I need someone to tell me to take a second look and do something about it.
9. I'll admit I feel somewhat competitive with other mothers and when my child does something to be proud of I want the world to know and see me in a positive light as a reflection of my child.
10. I'm an honest, take it as it comes mother who doesn't take my kids strengths and weaknesses too seriously. I just like to share them to have the comfort of online friends who like to be friendly and keep up with my life.
1. I don't want to embarrass my child when they are tots or teens or even in college. If I'm going to post a picture or something about them, I need their permission.
2. If they are too young to know what they are permitting, then they're too young to post about.
3. I don't want sibling arguments about how much I wrote or posted pictures about whom.
4. I don't want strangers giving me advice.
5. I don't want my in-laws giving me advice.
6. I want to respect my kids as separate human beings. When they do something to be proud of, that's their accomplishment, not mine. I don't want to brag and take that away from them.
7. If my kids are old enough to post something about themselves, then they can do it. They don't need me to interfere and decide what should be posted.
8. The internet is full of uncertainty. I can't be sure when I post something who will pick it up and how far it will go. I think I should be protective of my kids and not let positive or negative stuff about them be available on the web.
9. Out of my love for my kids, I think I should set boundaries about what is known about them without their choice in the matter.
10. Even when my kids say it's okay to post about them, I think I should be the adult and draw the line and say I'll let them post what they want on their sites and only on their sites.
What's Your Opinion?
So, what do you think? What do you do? Do you have second thoughts about what you do or do not post? Do you think ages matter? Do you think privacy matters? Do you think kids have a choice?
What's our role as parents when it comes to our kids and the internet when we do have control because we're doing the posting? Does it matter if it's a blog, facebook, twitter, instagram?
What do you think and feel? How do we make our relationships with our kids number one? How do we use Parental Intelligence on this matter?
Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. is a psychoanalyst with a recent book, Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child's Behavior, found on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Familius and wherever books are found.