10/22/2012 12:06 pm ET Updated Dec 22, 2012

Romney's French Connection

I told you a few weeks ago about Bill Clinton who would fancy himself as the French Prez. I shocked you this past spring, when I revealed to the incredulous world that Newt himself had a deep affinity with France, where he lived for a few years as a teenager. Yes, yes! Le Newt speaks the language of Molière . Bien sûr he'll trash his opponents on francophone grounds because being versed in French has become so anti-american. I wonder what the Statue of Liberty thinks of all that conneries.

But I digress. As we ready ourselves for the last presidential debate, it's timely that I tell you about Mitt's French Connection. Mitt Romney speaks French fluently. Voila. The theme of the debate will be foreign policy. So let's talk about La France!

Am I trying to launch a smear campaign against Mitt? Quelle horreur! Of course not. (Mitt doesn't need me for that). Mitt has tried to conceal it really carefully, he's flip-flopped on it like on healthcare reform or on family planning policy, but there's no escaping that he's fluent in French language and mores. Mitt really has a very strong relationship with France.

You wouldn't associate a white middle-aged Mormon man with Paris? I wouldn't either, and I have to say that sending a guy who's not allowed to have premarital sex, not allowed to drink coffee or wine to Paris is truly a cruel and unusual punishment. Yet this is what happened to Mitt when he served for his two year mission as a Mormon. He was sent to the birthplace of temptation.

At the age of 21, the legal age for drinking, provided you're not a Mormon, Mitt was sent to France. He arrived to the Northwest port-city of Le Havre and went on to live amid hookers. Shocking? But true!

According to an article by, Romney mistakenly checked into a hotel in an area frequented by prostitutes. He was too naïve to notice. I guess there's been a pattern to exercise poor judgment while traveling abroad.

During the primary, Romney's then opponent Newt Gingrich launched an ad campaign trashing Romney for his bilingualism. Oh la la. Mon dieu! It's such a disgrace to speak the language that invented words such as croissants, lingerie and entrepreneurs! Indeed, Romney has erased his French connection from his bio, his website, his résumé.

You see, Mitt's campaign is working: a recent poll shows that 82 percent of Europeans view Obama favorably, while Mitt Romney is only viewed favorably by 23 percent of the population.

So if someone tells you that Mitt Romney does not have any foreign policy experience, tell them that on the contrary, he is ready!

How do you say Binder in French?!