11/21/2012 01:24 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Semper Fi(landerer)


In English the expression says, "Stop beating a dead horse." In French, it would be, "Stop flogging a cheating husband."

General Petraeus had an affair. So what? James Bond usually has sex with at least three different women in any given James Bond movie. What do you expect from the head of the U.S. spy agency? Petraeus does not have license to kill. At least give him license to fuck. Otherwise what's the point being a spy?

My fellow French citizens are looking under the sheets of your latest sex scandal thinking that, decidedly, we don't have the same values. When Mitterrand was president of France, it was all well known, and yet never mentioned, that he had a wife, a mistress, a dog and an illegitimate child, who lived in an apartment at taxpayer's expense.

The media "omerta" surrounding the lives of our rich and powerful is such that we all collectively kept quiet on our president. When his wife decided to trudge her way to the Mexican revolutionary Subcomandante Marcos, under the pretense of a keen interest for his political views, no one thought of questioning her motives. Some said she was having an affair with the great Marxist leader. And no one really gave a damn. When François Mitterrand passed away, the wife, the mistress and all their children attended. (Marcos stayed away though!)

Absorbed by the U.S. elections, and then entwined in the Petraeus scandal, have you noticed the latest French scandal? A new book claims that France's first lady, Valérie Trierweiler, was having an affair with Patrick Devedjian, a right-wing politician, as well as Socialist François Hollande, while still married to her (second) husband the French journalist Denis Trierweiler.

Did you hear about it? Probably not. The French media has been mostly unfazed by the news. I myself had to read about it in a British publication.

The shocking part of the story according to British media lies in the fact that both men knew about the other, and still agreed to partake in the affair. Rest assured, they took turns!

Do you know how to count in French? Valérie Trierweiler just invented a new learning method. Repeat after me: Ménage à trois, ménage à quatre, ménage à cinq, ménage à six...