05/22/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Yea! Ten Unexpected Pleasures to Come With Health Care Reform!

The health care bill that just passed in Congress is not perfect, but hooray, more than 30 million Americans who were previously uninsured will soon be able to afford insurance, preconditions will no longer prevent us from getting treatment, and we will be able to change jobs without losing benefits.

In addition, this hard-fought reform offers several immediate and eventual bonuses you may not have thought of. Among them:

1- You will no longer have to perform an unnatural sex act on your specialist to get an insured appointment.

2- If you get a rash you can get it treated quickly in the emergency room on a Sunday afternoon without having to sit on the floor for six hours reading torn, grubby old copies of In Touch, with dozens of people coughing in your face and babies in dirty diapers screaming in your ears as you scratch yourself so hard you bleed.

3- Grassley's smug mug and the constant grimaces of Ben Nelson, Blanche Lincoln, Bart Stupak and other health care stars will be long past. And you can watch Fox Noise and see Beck, O'Reilly, Malkin, Morris and the blonde bimbo gang squirm, cry, snarl and threaten about the end of America - and you can jump up and down and do a little hokey-pokey.

4- You'll be able to use your copy of the health care reform bill as a doorstop or a 10-pound weight.

5- "Tea bag" can once again be said without visualizing an angry right winger's balls.

6- You can email a heartfelt bon voyage message to Rush Limbaugh, who vowed he'd leave the country if health care reform passed. Go here.

7- You might start a Facebook group "Na-na-na- na- na- you selfish twits, we got it done." Or join a fan group for ABBA's "Waterloo."

8- The Republicans will officially be known the "Know Nothing, No, Nothing" anti-health party, led by titular head, Michelle Bachmann.

9- Congress can focus on jobs.

And, last but by no means least:

10- You don't have to feel so embarrassed about America's policy that health care is a privilege decided by insurance companies.

At least for the moment.