11/15/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Glenn Beck Awarded Honorary Doctorate From University Of I Don't Remember

Distinguished Fox TV host, author and assface Glenn Beck was an awarded an honorary doctoral degree from the prestigious but secretive University of I Don't Remember, a leading conservative think tank that recently estimated the crowd at the Beck-sponsored 9/12 protest at 1.7 million. The University and Beck later clarified that they never said 1.7 million people, just "1.7 million" without any unit of measure so they're right, screw you, liar!

The award to Beck shed light on The University of I Don't Remember, a small-to-large sized institution that occupies several to many acres in one of the nation's fifty states. Up to now, not much was known about the University and what was known was widely disputed. What is clear is that the University is responsible for much of the research data that the modern Republican party uses.

Dean Vernon Vauge issued the following statement in disappearing ink late Monday night

We have a proud tradition of providing information and factoids to great conservative thinkers like Sarah Palin, Michael Savage and the people who write signs for teabagger rallies. We do this primarily through the world renowned Donald Rumsfeld School of Wild Guesstimates, which is entirely funded through private donations, the dreams of angry fatherless children and unicorn farts.

Beck was told he'd receive the degree in anonymous drop somewhere in Utah. Beck thanked the school and said he was 'thrilled' to have a degree that would give him 'magical powers.' He hoped to use the degree to make the world stop existing when he closed his eyes.