Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen the Season 2 finale of HBO's "Girls" titled "Together."
With a season of Q-tips, cringe-worthy sex and awesome hairstyles behind us, it's time to take a deep breath. That was a rough ride, "Girls" fans, but if the last 30 minutes of Season 2 are any indication, things may just be looking up for the the fictional Brooklynites we know and love ... or maybe love to hate.
Have the girls finally managed to get it kind of together after 10 episodes of mayhem? With 1 being the least together and 10 being the most together, see how each of the girls scored in the "Girls" season finale titled "Together."
Unless Hannah is flat out refusing to take her medication, she's long overdue for another trip to the doctor. She's hiding her unwashed hair under her covers, counting to eight consistently and still dealing with the repercussions of a Q-tip induced perforated eardrum.
The episode opens with Hannah falling down a rabbit hole of paranoid Google searches including "Do millions of microbes really live on our skin?" "How does your body know to stop breathing?" "At what age does your body start melting down?" and "Normal tongue."
Cut to David, Hannah's not-so-nice e-book editor. After lovingly staring at a photo of Chloe Sevigny and making an audible comment about how small her hands are, David dials Hannah and angrily asks where her pages are. And has she already deposited the check he cut her?
"It's hard to me to tell whether I spent that check or a different check, so I'm gonna have to check," Hannah says, before agreeing to get the entire book to him in a day.
Instead, she ends up reading a fashion magazine while munching on a bucket of Cool Whip. Marnie stops by to check on her (why does she still have a key?!) but Hannah hides next to her bed, convinced Marnie is full of nothing but bad intentions.
One spoonful of Cool Whip leads to another, and eventually Hannah is cutting her hair while staring at a photo of Carey Mulligan. Realizing she'll never be able to cut the back on her own, she enlists her cocaine dealer/neighbor Laird, who proudly styles her hair into a perfect bowl cut. After attempting to make small talk, Laird soon tells her she's incredibly self-involved and she ends up back in bed without a page to her name and a really horrible haircut.
Feeling completely alone in the world, Hannah Facetimes Adam, who is somehow still sleeping with Natalia after the degrading sex they had last episode. His phone begins ringing while he's destroying things in his apartment in true Adam form, and when he sees it's Hannah he screams, "Siri, operate!" (It did, however, sound like "Shiri, operate!" He's been hanging out with Appleby a.k.a. Natalia too long.)
"Is this fucking FaceSpace or whatever?" Adam says, before noticing Hannah looking compulsively over each shoulder four times.
Realizing she's a damsel in distress in need of a serious rescue mission, Adam runs to her apartment without a shirt -- this is a theme with the two of them, Hannah often forgets to put on pants -- keeping her on the line the entire time. Since he no longer has a key (he's one of the few, it seems), Adam breaks down the door and lifts Hannah from beneath her covers.
"You're here," she cries. "Well, I was always here," he says valiantly, holding her in his arms.
Grand gestures work well in romantic comedies, but both parties are usually mentally stable and have solid careers. This once was a little more laughable, however, especially since both Hannah and Adam could probably benefit from a few weeks in a mental institution.
Overall Togetherness: 1
When a girl has a hoodie zipped up to her neck, she probably doesn't want to have sex.
But this doesn't stop her doting boyfriend who's just happy to be with her, hoodie or no hoodie. But when Soshanna screams, "Please get out of me," Ray realizes something is terribly wrong.
Trying once again to work out the puzzle that is Shoshanna, Ray calmly asks what's bothering her and she tells him he has no ambition. Determined to make a change, Ray heads down to Grumpy's where his manager agrees to make him District Chief Logistics and Operations Supervisor -- a title he made up himself, of course -- of the new Brooklyn Heights branch.
Ray runs home to deliver the news, but Shoshanna isn't all that impressed. Tears well up in her innocent little eyes, and in a heartbreaking moment, she tells Ray that it just isn't working.
"I love you so much, like, to the end of the world and back, but sometimes I love you in the way that, like, I feel sorry for you like a monkey," she says (ouch!) and goes on to tell him that he hates everything, colors, ribbons and pillows not excluded.
Hurt and angry, Ray leaves in a huff and Shoshanna curls up in a chair to cry. She may have a lot to learn about life, but Shoshanna knows what she wants out of a relationship. And it it isn't dark-souled, Taco Date Ray.
Overall Togetherness: 9
Whether it's out of desperation or love, Marnie and Charlie have fallen back into something of a relationship. Over brunch one morning, Marnie happily muses about how great it is that they were able to have their own experiences before realizing they were meant to be.
But does Charlie feel the same way? At first, it doesn't look like it, and Marnie marches defiantly out of the restaurant, screaming at him all the way.
While I half-hoped Marnie was once again getting what she deserved for treating Charlie so poorly throughout Season 1, I was happy when he came after her because, well, something good had to happen to her this season.
"I want you. I know I'm a mess, but I want you. I want to see you every morning, and I want to make you a snack every night, and eventually, I want to have your little brown babies, and I want to watch you die," she says in an attempt to express love, which has never been easy for her. Instead of shutting her down as he has practically all season, Charlie launches into a speech that is (once again) worthy of a romantic comedy.
"That's all I ever wanted to hear. I love you. Maybe I'm an idiot for it, but I always have. Everything good I try to do, I do it because of you. I try to get away, but I just keep coming back. And it's because I love you."
Who knows if their relationship will fail miserably the second (third?) time around, but it's making both of them "happy" in the moment. And let's face it: After a season of heartbreak, they both kind of deserve it.
Overall Togetherness: 6
Jessa has been a basket case all season, and the fact that she's been M.I.A. for three episodes doesn't exactly help her togetherness case, especially when Hannah reaches out to her and is greeted by a snarky outgoing message.
"You've reached Jessa. I would never listen to a voicemail, but if you insist on trying -- beep."
Cue Hannah's furious monologue.
"Oh, hello you fucker. Are you kidding me? Where did you go and who am I supposed to talk to if you won't answer your fucking phone? That anorexic Marnie? Fucking Shoshanna? Or my stalker ex-boyfriend? It's not like any of them want to talk to me. I don't blame them, because I cut off all my fucking hair! And now you're off somewhere, just living it up wearing a crop top, you probably got your vagina pierced, you're not answering your phone and you're forgetting about everyone who's fucking it up here. So I hope you're having a great time. LOVE YOU!"
Overall Togetherness: 0. She's still f**king missing!