Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen Season 2, Episode 8 of HBO's "Girls" titled "It's Back."
If this were school, the girls of "Girls" would be failing. But it's life, so it's even more depressing. We're already eight episodes in to Season 2, and the girls' togetherness scores have only decreased. Hannah's suffering from OCD, Marnie is desperately following Charlie around Manhattan, Shoshanna is hooking up with doormen, and Jessa has gone missing.
"It seems like you have a tremendous amount of willpower and general togetherness," Hannah snaps at a specialist attempting to medicate her. Well, yes, but it's not exactly hard to find someone whose life is more together than Hannah's. With 1 being the least together and 10 being the most together, see how each of the girls scored in this week's episode of "Girls," "It's Back."
Hannah has an e-book deal, an ex-boyfriend who's still calling her and a favorite number: eight. In the episode's opening minutes, we see Hannah looking over her should eight times and opening and closing her front door eight times. It seems the pressure of Hannah's New York City life have caused the OCD of her younger years to reemerge, and it's both funny and disturbing to witness.
In a classic case of bad timing, her parents head to New York City to be culturally enriched by Ann Patchett and Judy Collins while spending time with their emotionally unstable daughter. They all try to ignore the Obsessive Compulsive elephant in the room, but when Hannah feels the need to bump into a man at a restaurant eight times her parents immediately drag her to a specialist.
Hannah makes snarky comments to her parents in the waiting room about how she's not hungry, so maybe she's anorexic -- her dad doesn't get the joke and immediately tells her that's impossible, as he's seen her in a bathing suit -- and by the time Hannah's face to face with a bespectacled doctor, she begs him to just tell her parents that she's okay.
But she isn't. Hannah told her parents that she's made serious progress on her book, but she also told Marnie and Jessa that. And as far as I know, she still doesn't have a roommate or a job that pays more than forty dollars a day.
Although Hannah tells her dad that he "hates when he looks so concerned about her" and I laughed thinking about how many times I've said that to my own concerned father, I couldn't help thinking what a relief it was that someone is worried about her.
Overall Togetherness: 1
Shoshanna may be dating a 33-year-old homeless guy who takes her on taco dates, but that doesn't mean she's strayed from her Jappy roots. When she runs into Rodica -- the richest Hindi she knows -- rollerblading in Washington Squre Park, Shoshanna realizes she's severely neglected her friends thanks to her relationship with Ray.
As Rodica rollerblades off to J. Crew to buy new clothes for her "Impromptu," Shoshanna decides she's stopping by Rodica's party, Ray or no Ray.
Rodica, of course, has a lavish Manhattan apartment with a doorman. Although Shoshanna doesn't actually have much fun at Rodica's party, she does take an interest in the building's doorman.
"I'm sorry if this is like really insulting, but you're like really good-looking for a doorman," Shoshanna tells the doorman when he says he's pretty sure he's seen her at a club. Not many more words are exchanged they're making out. Oops.
We all know Shoshanna and Ray aren't perfect for each other, but did she have to cheat on him a mere six weeks or so into their relationship? Not only will Shoshanna feel horribly guilty after her little tryst, but this guy is Rodica's doorman. Talk about burning bridges!
Overall Togetherness: 3
Jessa has disappeared. Perhaps she's spending time with her dad in upstate New York, maybe she's traveling around the world, or she could be hiding out in Brooklyn somewhere. In any case, her friends and cousin have no idea where she is.
"I just can't stop thinking about Jessa, you know?" a concerned Shoshanna tells Marnie and Ray. "Where is she? What is she wearing? Is it linen, you know? Is she in a tropical climate or somewhere up high? Oh my god, is she warm enough?"
Marnie assures her that Jessa is certainly warm enough, and that she really shouldn't be worried at all. This disappearing act is "classic Jessa." It's great that Marnie is so sure that Jessa is fine, but I'm not entirely positive that this is the case. Last I checked she was doing whippets.
Overall Togetherness: 0. I mean, no one even knows where she is.
Marnie is apparently on a mission to make us cringe episode after episode. She's not wearing a plastic dress this week, but she may as well be.
When Shoshanna mentions that Charlie has invented a successful app (that blocks you from texting your ex) and has a super-cool office in Chelsea, Marnie immediately goes in search of him. Everyone at his office is well-dressed and generally fabulous, including Charlie, and Marnie looks like she's just rolled out of bed. Adding insult to injury, Charlie is cold, dismissive and unsurprised when she stops by.
Later that night, clad in her slutty hostess uniform, Marnie whines to Ray about how together Charlie is. The truth, Marnie says, is that she doesn't want to be a curator. She just wants to sing.
"You're never gonna look this good again. The clay is drying. You can't dress like a magician's assistant forever," Ray says wisely. Not wanting to waste another second, Marnie bursts into song. But halfway through Norah Jones' "Don't Know Why," Ray shuts her down, telling her the moment is a little too intimate for him.
Marnie seems to be dealing with a case of karma or horribly bad luck. In any case, this hasn't been the best summer for Little Miss Perfect.
Overall Togetherness: 5
"Girls" airs on Sundays at 9 p.m. EST on HBO.