Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 1, Episode 9 of Fox's "The Mindy Project," titled "Josh And Mindy's Christmas Party."
In case you haven't noticed, Mindy's life has been going pretty well recently. Not only is she kicking ass at work, but she has an awesome boyfriend named Josh who, in Betsy's words, looks like a "barber shop example photo."
But in Episode 9 of "The Mindy Project," Mindy's life takes a turn for the worse.
Mindy invites the whole office over for a company Christmas party so they can celebrate a year of success and, of course, meet Josh. The gang oohs and aahs over how attractive Josh is -- which angers Danny, because it takes attention away from his carefully crafted gingerbread house -- and everyone starts having some good old fashioned holiday fun. Until Mindy stumbles upon an incriminating voicemail on Josh's phone.
As Danny works to calm Mindy down when said voicemail reveals that Josh is obviously cheating on Mindy with a very obnoxious-sounding girl, Mindy gets increasingly upset and ends up telling Josh to "fake a work emergency" and get out.
In an attempt to distract everyone, Danny starts reading Mindy's 8-page Christmas speech out loud, which is ungracefully interrupted by the arrival of Josh's girlfriend of two years, played by Ellie Kemper. The two were so serious that they even co-owned a dog!
Josh's girlfriend goes on to beat the crap out of Mindy, but becomes much kinder when she finds out Mindy really had no idea she existed.
The episode wraps up with Danny comforting Mindy as she cries under the covers, and the two make an unsavory pact to kill each other in five years if they're both still single. To friendship!
And now, a few dialogue highlights from episode 9 of "The Mindy Project."
Arguably offensive lines:
Mindy to Danny, when he tries to give her money for the company Christmas party: "Danny, please don't throw twenties at me like I'm doing a lap dance."
Mindy to Danny, on a past holiday playlist: "To be clear, there was no Rihanna on it. It was just three hours of listening to ... Jacob Dylan's dad?"
Danny, reading Mindy's Christmas speech: "To paraphrase another great woman of color, Mariah Carey, 'All I want for Christmas' gesture to the crowd... 'for Christmas is all of you.'"
Josh's girlfriend, when Mindy expresses her frustration over the two of them sharing a password: "Damn right we do. It's our dead dog's name."
Josh's girlfriend: "So this is where you've been on all those "last minute trips to Sacramento." Shacking up with some chubby Indian girl!"
Mindy, discussing Josh with Danny and Jeremy: "He's not real like Santa Claus is real, he's real like 'I had sex with him this morning.'"
Betsy, to Shauna: "Shauna! I'm so glad you're here! It's just like we're at work."
Mindy to Josh, when he asks why she has a bowling ball: "A couple of years ago I joined a bowling league of all female OBs. The name of our team was Storks And Strikes."
Out of context and amazing one-liners:
"He looks like an example photo at a barber shop."
"Please fake a work emergency and get out."
"Danny, if we're still single in five years, can we make a pact ... that we'll kill each other?"
"The Mindy Project" airs on Tuesdays at 9:30 p.m. EST on Fox.