Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen Season 1, Episode 10 of Fox's "The Mindy Project," titled Bunk Beds.
It's 2013, folks, and Mindy's still at it.
The opening scene of Episode 10 of "The Mindy Project" finds Mindy feeling super Edith Wharton-esque in a Kate Winslet HBO movie kind of way while riding in a horse drawn carriage through Central Park with a handsome guy. But, as Mindy is notoriously unlucky in love, her perfect evening is ruined when the horse pulling her carriage, Peanut Butter, has a heart attack and is shot to death.
Cut to a completely unrelated Saturday morning, where Danny has recruited Shauna, Betsy and Morgan to spend the day in the office. When Mindy calls Danny to help her build a bunk bed for her goddaughter Riley -- yes, the daughter to her overly perfect BFF Gwen, who will only hang out with Mindy if she builds her a bunk bed in her giant Manhattan apartment -- the gang back at the office finds an unsent letter written by Danny.
Shauna, Betsy and Morgan find themselves in tears minutes later while reading Danny's multi-page, hand-written letter to his ex-wife, who apparently cheated on him. Danny, of course, is completely unaware of this because he's still at Mindy's place building a bunk bed while Mindy plays masculine songs like "Light My Candle" from "Rent."
Unfortunately, Danny's masculine efforts are for naught. As soon as Mindy's overly perfect BFF Gwen sits down on the freshly built bed, the top bunk collapses and fractures her arm.
Ever the hero, Danny whisks a Vicodin-laden Gwen to the hospital where he meets (drum roll), Eye Patch Girl, a.k.a. Allison Williams from "Girls." The two exchange a few stupid jokes about pirates and sparks immediately fly. Could things finally be looking up for Danny in the romance department?
Of course not. After all, does anything work out in the Mindy-verse? Morgan tells the gang that he actually sent Danny's sappy, graphic letter to his ex-wife, and then tells Danny there's a "mailer" who's bringing unsent letters to the mailbox. Danny isn't worried, but Mindy is. This is because she wrote a letter to Chris Pine, and it's full of drunken pictures she took of herself.
Yep, she's still the Mindy we all know and love. And now, on to a few of the dialogue highlights on Tuesday night's episode of "The Mindy Project."
Shauna, when Betsy mentions she posted a video on Shauna's Facebook wall: "Betsy, don't make me unfriend you again."
Danny, when he catches Shauna and Betsy Facebooking: "Myspace, tweetser, hashbags... I don't care."
Morgan, when Danny threatens to take away his health insurance: "I'm sorry, but I cannot go back to Canada to get my drops. If I don't have my drops, I don't even want to say what'll happen .... my urethra will close up!"
Mindy, while playing a song from "Rent": "This is the most masculine Broadway song that I have."
Betsy, upon finding out that Danny reads "People" magazine: "How ironic! The guy that hates people reads 'People.' It's like if I read a magazine called 'Mustard On Hotdogs.'"
Mindy, to Riley: "You and I aren't going to be competing with the same guys for like, at least ten years."
Mindy, when Morgan tells them a "mailer" has been sending their mail: "What if they send my fan letter to Chris Pine? You guys, I was really drunk when I took some of those photos of me!"
Arguably offensive lines:
Shauna, on Danny making them come in on Saturday: This isn't the 1900s where you can just oppress your workers until they get Cholera-ed to death!"
Mindy, when Danny says he raised his little brother Richie: "You did? Brothers raising brothers? That is so Catholic, Danny! I'm sorry, is that offensive to say?"
Mindy, when the bunk bed Danny built breaks: "Danny, we are just a few broken planks away from me being this kid's mom."
Mindy to Riley, when she says she misses her mom: "Well that's irrational, because she's barely been gone."
Eye Patch Girl, to Danny: "First you cut everybody, and now you're using a cell phone. What are you going to do next? Push Wheelchair Guy down the stairs?"
Out of context and amazing one-liners:
"Peanut Butter is failing, officer!"
"Oh! There's that new play at NYU where the actors start in the audience and then they kinda like creep out."
"I posted a video on your wall. Do you like fat cats that squeeze into small boxes?"
"Where's 'People' magazine? I want photos of celebrities buying groceries in sweatpants."
"I also have Alan Cumming reading the audiobook of 'The Lovely Bones.'"
"This house, not equipped for kids, okay? I eat cereal out of wine glasses."
"The Mindy Project" airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. EST on Fox.