Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 1, Episode 8 of Fox's "The Mindy Project," titled "Two To One."
Ah, another day at Dr. Shulman's office. Or is it?!
In Episode 8 of "The Mindy Project," titled "Two To One," Dr. Shulman announces his retirement via a handwritten note -- leaving the fate of the practice in Mindy, Danny and Jeremy's hands. What appears to be an easy feat at first quickly becomes a difficult one when midwives Brendan and Duncan (Mark and Jay Duplass) attempt to move Dr. Shulman's patients in a more holistic direction.
Meanwhile, Danny and Jeremy insist Mindy take her "best friend day" with Gwen and her never-before-seen overly aggressive BFF Alex (Kelen Coleman). After a light lunch which consists of Alex telling Mindy her coworkers are misogynistic and that she should move to Europe, the gals go sample sale shopping.
As Alex tries to ward off a woman attempting to take Mindy's awesome skirt while Gwen stands by and does nothing, Mindy receives desperate texts from Betsy saying Jeremy and Danny are losing patients left and right.
Realizing the practice is in real trouble, Mindy rushes back to the office and straight to the Downtown Holistic Health Center, where she finds Brendan and Duncan in a smug mood over their full office.
Not one to lose a battle, Mindy begins angrily ringing a gong at the reception desk and insists that all of her patients return to the world of Western Medicine, despite the fact that Jeremy and Danny aren't as "easy on the eyes" as Brendan and Duncan.
As is to be expected, Mindy gets her way and winds up curled up on the office break room couch with Josh (yep, he's still around!) while Doris the cleaning lady vacuums around their makeout sesh. Ah, the life of a fabulous OB/GYN!
And now, on to the dialogue highlights of Tuesday night's episode.
Mindy to cleaning lady, when she mentions she has to get home every night before her cat pees in her husband's slippers: "Okay Doris, I get it. You're married. Good for you."
Jeremy to Mindy: "Mindy, are you forming a dreadlock?"
Mindy, when Jeremy and Danny nix her prenatal patient resource center idea: "I ran into Kelly Ripa at Sephora and I told her about it and she said, 'Good for you!'"
Mindy, after calling Alex "the worldly one": "I'm kind of like the fun, cool, single one ..."
Mindy, aggressively ringing a gong at the Downtown Holistic Birthing Center: "Midwives! Midwives! Midwives!"
Mindy to Brendan: "I'm sure you'd love to educate me all afternoon, just making me learn all about midwiffery."
Arguably offensive lines:
Mindy to patient: "Lauren, please don't give me printouts from WebMD. This is like bringing recipes to restaurant and saying, 'Here, cook this.'"
Chris Messina on Brendan and Duncan: "They're not doctors, they're midwives!"
Brendan to Danny, when Danny says he went to Columbia: "I got into Columbia. Didn't go. Walked around the campus and got a bad vibe."
Mindy, on why she can't move to Europe: "Here's the thing I'm worried about. I get there, no one speaks English, my hair dryer doesn't work, someone tries to pin a drug thing on me ..."
Alex to woman who tries to take Mindy's skirt at a sample sale: "Get your fat hands off my friend's skirt before I take it myself. That Indian chick? This white girl? Don't piss these two off."
Mindy, discussing pregnancy risks with a room of pregnant women: "If you're middle aged! You have diabtes! If you're obese ..." (gesturing toward large woman), "No offense."
Out of context and amazing one-liners:
"Doris, please stop whistle-vacuuming."
Your coworkers sound sexist, misogynistic and yeah, I'll say it: borderline racist."
"In college they got so drunk that they threw a mini-fridge off the roof!"
"Okay, some weird, half-doctors are trying to patient-jack me."
"The Mindy Project" airs Tuesdays at 9:30 p.m. EST on Fox.