01/07/2013 08:38 am ET Updated Mar 09, 2013

How You Know You've Watched Too Much Downton Abbey

1) Each time the scene shifts to Bates in prison, you hope for an Oz-style riot.

2) Whenever Matthew protests he can't inherit money from his ex-fiancee's father because it would be "wrong," you imagine Lady Mary braining him with a vase.

3) Maggie Smith has stopped being amusing, and you try counting her chins.

4) You keep waiting for a cat fight in the servants' hall à la Dynasty.

5) You're truly sorry nobody ever dies of ptomaine poisoning at dinner. Or even boredom. Any death will do.

6) All those cars driving up at the Abbey make you wonder what their MPG was.

7) It's hard to stop staring at wrinkles in one of the vintage costumes.

8) You miss lines of dialogue and don't go back to find out what you missed, because somebody's bound to say the same thing again. And again.

9) You wonder why more characters weren't lost on the Titanic.

10) Celebrity cameos come to mind and you forget what's going on. Not that it matters.