03/29/2014 09:06 am ET Updated May 29, 2014

Was Pat Robertson Stoned?

Bloviating TV minister Pat Robertson is known for his hateful and ignorant comments about gay people, but this week he veered into pure silliness when talking about marriage equality:

I think you've got to remember from the Bible, you look carefully at the Bible what would have happened in Jesus' time if two men decided they wanted to cohabit together, they would have been stoned to death...So Jesus would not have baked them a wedding cake, nor would he have made them a bed to sleep in because they wouldn't have been there. But we don't have that in this country here, so that's the way it is.

Well, he's right about baking a cake, but not for the reasons he states. The Gospels don't record Jesus baking, sautéeing, boiling or poaching. He did apparently grill or fry -- but that was fish.

More to the point, Robertson doesn't haven't the faintest idea of Jewish history when he quotes Leviticus. Its harsh Holiness Code was likely a product of the Babylonian Exile and an attempt to wean the Hebrews who had stayed in their despoiled land of practices they'd adopted from their neighbors.

The proscription on same-sex behavior is brutal, but it was never enacted. Why? Because prosecution would have been impossible:

The Jewish Oral Law states that capital punishment would only be applicable if two men were caught in the act of anal sex, if there were two witnesses to the act, if the two witnesses warned the men involved that they committed a capital offense, and the two men -- or the willing party, in case of rape -- subsequently acknowledged the warning but continued to engage in the prohibited act anyway. In fact, there is no account of capital punishment, in regards to this law, in Jewish history.

The convergence of all those factors above would have been as frequent as the planetary alignment in Lara Croft.

Robertson might not have been stoned when he made the remarks quoted above, but I think being high is the only way to listen to him.