Note: The following contains spoilers if you have not seen Season 16, Episode 6 of ABC's "The Bachelor."
It's week six of "The Bachelor" and Ben is convinced that he's completely on target to find true love among the remaining ladies. Sure, that inevitably comes with a few embarrassing moments that he'd rather not re-live on national television, but that's all part of this amazing journey. Luckily for Ben, most of the low moments were eventually diffused by a high one. And sadly, most of the high moments were eclipsed by low ones. Allow me to elaborate.
The Ups and Downs of Ben's "Relationships"
He's a Survivor ... For the Most Part
Ben and Kacie B. are dropped off on a deserted island to experience what it's like to live in the wild, completely relying on one another's survival skills using only three items from their luggage at Trump's Ocean Club in Panama. Kacie B. brought a stuffed monkey, a bag of gummy bears and a Swiss Army knife. Considering the restraint she exhibited to not pack the baton, I think she deserves an "E" for effort. Ben somehow scrounged up a fishing net, a book of matches and a machete. Had this been a true competition, he and the ABC intern who packed is duffle bag totally outwitted, outsmarted and outplayed Kacie B. Things were going really well as the two sauntered down the beach holding hands, swirling glasses of Merlot. I guess that was in the camera man's bag. Anyway, Ben decides to cut down some coconuts for dinner. Twenty minutes later, he's still hacking away at the stubborn exterior. He feels even less manly as he dines on a balanced meal of gummy bears and the fish Kacie B. caught in his net.
Gird Your Loins
Ben paddles the girls on the group date to a secluded village in the middle of the rain forest. We were meant to believe that our troop of young hopefuls not only happened upon this quaint village by accident, but that all of the ladies were totally okay dripping wet from the pouring rain. Fortunately, the tribe had extra costumes and everyone was able to change into something more comfortable: The girls were in beaded bras and Ben was in a loin cloth. He looked ridiculous, as if ready to play a Junior Gladiator or cupid in a schmaltzy Valentine's Day production at Sonoma Town Hall. His embarrassment was plastered all over his face until he noticed that Courtney the Model was wearing her beaded bra sans bathing suit top. Things went a little primal after that.
Who Knew Creative Memories Had a Ransom Note Scrapbooking Template?
Rachel and Jugs McGee (Blakeley) were paired up for the dreaded two-on-one date: two girls, one rose; one stays and one goes. Rachel is freaking out about being the third wheel. Jugs is using this time to grind all over our Bachelor during their salsa lesson. She put the dirty in dancing. She pretended Ben was her pole. She was confident she was going to receive the date rose with every shimmy of her money maker. During her alone time with Ben, she presented him with a scrapbook. Yes, Jugs walked him through roughly 45 pages of imaginary scenarios of fake dates, their life together in San Francisco and I'm sure at least four color swatches for bridesmaid dresses. Each story was formed from words cut out of magazines and brochures. It was the stuff serial killers would be proud of and just freaky enough for Ben to send her packing.
Barefoot Blue Jean Romper Night
Our host Chris Harrison requests a private audience with the blonde girl who you don't remember named Casey. He reveals that three people have told him that she is still in love with her ex-boyfriend Michael and she needs to come clean with her feelings. Is she in this for the right reasons? Or does she still love this Michael person? After twisting her words around, Harrison gets her to reveal that "she doesn't want to be in love with Michael" which is code for "I still have the hots for Michael." Somewhere in a shady bar in Kansas, Michael's buddies raise a Coors Light in his honor for somehow controlling the emotions of this girl even months after they've broken up. Ben, irritated that he's been unconventionally "left" not once, but three times this season (a record), tells her to pack her things. Harrison takes one for the team, and pulls her in for a hug before she notices how hard he's trying not to laugh after her outburst in the hall.
Kissing: 101
Ben is really thrilled that Jaime has decided to have an actual conversation with him at the rose ceremony and even gets more excited when she decides the best way to show him that she cares is by giving him a lap dance in her short red dress. The buzz dies down when she can't stop giggling at her own spontaneous ways. She dismounts his crotch, chooses a more ladylike position beside him on the bench and then suggests they simply make out. For the next 20 unfortunate minutes, Jaime gives Ben a step-by-step lesson on how to French kiss a girl. Her instructions are peppered with key indicators that this is not going well, such as, "Yeah, I know." or "I've kissed a girl before" and the zinger, "You are making this so much harder than it needs to be." No one likes to be told what to do, especially when you're told to take a moment to say your goodbyes.
What did you think of last night's show? Is Courtney going to be outed as the mean girl next week? Will Emily leave the show for the chief of the tribe? Is it too much to ask for Lindzi to tone down on the bronzer? Share your thoughts in the comment section!
To read the entire recap of last night's episode, visit www.iHateGreenBeans.com.